RHYME AND REASON (found in an "UNUSED" suicide note)

Okay so let’s be clear once again. This is an old poem that, at the time, I “NEEDED” desperately to write to allow all the thoughts, pain, and hurt escape. It was 1995 and I WAS “feeling” very much alone and empty. I learned several things after writing this poem. I learned how to escape pain by expressing it. I learned that there were (and still are) people who love me and care deeply (and who cried when they read this because there was a friend in such pain). I learned (and often re-learn) that God’s love is such an incredible knowledge to have and hold in your heart. Hollow is not possible when you have the Spirit of God sharing space with your own. I learned that with this I wanted others to see that they were not alone either. And to tell them that God loves them too…right where they are…no matter what they may have ever said or done in their life.

Please remember that “UNUSED” is the key word here. And you may identify with some (much or all) of this poem, please read the last 5 words a few times to know where I am now, and where you can be too.

Thanks for your time. Here now is:

“RHYME AND REASON” (found in an UNUSED suicide note)

HOLLOW STARE / HOLLOW SOUL – NO SENSES LEFT, I’M NUMB
WANT TO SHARE / LOST CONTROL – I CAN’T, THE WORD IS MUM
SUICIDE NOTE / FROM THE LIVING – CONTRADICTION IN TERMS
BUT I WROTE / SO I’M GIVING – TO EVERYTHING BUT THE WORMS
HOLLOW BREATH / HOLLOW SCREAM – HEARD SAID TO ME, “CHEER UP”
THINKING DEATH / WISHING DREAM – BUT PEACE IS NOW CORRUPT
WANT TO FADE / DISAPPEAR – EXISTENCE NOT ENOUGH
THOUGHT I PLAY / CAUSED A TEAR – WELL SOMETIMES LIFE IS ROUGH
BEYOND SAD / FAR PAST HURT – SEEMS VOID WOULD BE THE WORD
CELL OF PAD / DRUG INSERT – LOOK DOWN AT FLYING BIRD
MAKES NO SENSE / MIND NOT FULL – OF ALL THE USUAL “BLAH”
CONSEQUENCE / OF THE FOOL – FAIL: IT’S AGAINST THE LAW
ALL WHO READ / LOVE TO YOU – CRY NOT FOR FALLEN SON
PLANT A TREE/ MAYBE TWO – IF EVER, DEED IS DONE
NO MORE “Q” / NO MORE “A” – LEAVING THEM IN THE PAST
AS FOR YOU / THIS I PRAY – AND HOPE YOUR PAIN WONT LAST
“NOT ALONE” / SONG THAT PLAYED – SAME TIME FELT EMPTINESS
WANTED PHONE / RING TODAY – AND TAKE AWAY THIS STRESS
WAS NO CALL / FOUND A PEN – SAT DOWN, THESE WORDS I WRITE
STARE AT WALL / OH AND THEN – ALONE I WEPT THAT NIGHT
WRITING DOWN / WITH EACH LINE – SOME PAIN HAS GONE AWAY
STILL A FROWN / SMILE NOT MINE – WAS WORN THROUGHOUT THE DAY
HOPE YET LOST / BUT HOW LONG – BEFORE A WAY IS FOUND
SPARE THE COST / OF EACH SONG – A TEAR FOR EVERY SOUND
MAYBE YES / MAYBE NO – THIS POEM WILL FIND A USE
WHO CAN GUESS / JUST DON’T KNOW – THE ANSWER'S TOO PROFUSE
AND THEN SAID / FROM THE HEART - “LOOKING FOR THE OLD THEE”
BUT INSTEAD/ MY OWN PART – WAS WANTING TO BE FREE
WELL IF SO / “FOUND” AND READ – PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS PART
IS BLAME? “NO” / ALL’S BEEN SAID – NO LONGER NUMB IN HEART.

Written by: Ray W.
September 14, 1995 ©