May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 8 ! ! !

Thursday, May 29th 101:56 am:

“So who can tell me the name of the river General Washington is crossing in this picture here?” Mrs. Stintenhutt asked as she pointed to the middle picture in a series of revolutionary war drawings. Bradley Miller was the only on to raise his hand. Bradley was the star pupil of the class. In fact, Bradley was the star pupil of the entire school and district. Statewide Spelling Bee champion for grade schooler's, Math wiz, Science project Blue ribbon winner. The boy just didn’t know how to Not succeed. The teacher called out “Stephen Beatty?!” He turned his eyes up from the Elmer’s Glue Booger he was making in the palm of his hand. “Yes Ma’am.” He replied. “Do you have an answer for my question, or is your glue booger going to take priority over this lesson.” she asked back. The whole class giggled. “And what about you Miss Cooper. You are giggling pretty loud over there. Do you have an answer?” Stintenhutt asked. “No Ma’am.” “Well I might as well let you all know now. This and much more is going to be on the final exam next week. I strongly suggest that you all open your books this weekend and get you minds wrapped around this information. As much as I like this class, I still do not want to see any of you held back, and end up back in my class again next year because of a simple history test.” “YES MA’AM” The collective disappointed sigh of a response came.

11:20 am:

The recess bell rings on cue. Books are shoved into desks, hands are clasped on the top of the desks, and silence now fills the room. “Class dismissed.” excused the teacher. The kids all walked like ladies and gentlemen to the door outside, and then as quick as you can blink, they dropped the false dignity and bolted for the playground equipment. The boys noticed “The BOB” going straight to their table, but Suzanne wasn’t with them. Then, as if in stereo “OH THAT’S RIGHT! SUZY MOO CHEW’S NEW LUNCH CREW IS WITH THE BLUE FEW, WHO WITH OUT A CLUE DREW FRICKLEMIER’S TRUE DOO OF A BALD HUE INN THE WATER LOO.” Did you all get that? Allow me to explain. Suzanne didn’t end up getting the chair, like the boys had hoped. Instead she had to spend her lunch time and recess with the two sixth graders who were caught drawing a picture (darn good likeness too) of Principle Fricklemier without his toupee’ on the boys bathroom wall. Dwayne and Dwight. The only set of twins in Grueberville, if you don’t count Jarred and Stephen. It was but a stroke of timing that kept the boys from getting blamed. As it was the D-twins, were busted while adding the Hitler mustache, by Picklebuyer himself. Having experienced “In School Suspension” them selves, Stephen and Jarred really wanted to see Suzanne get The Chair. But then, imagining her sitting between the twins with their manure packed boots, and their newly developed coming of age scent (Puberty was coming on strong and boy did they need to learn the use of deodorant.) brought the largest smiles, that would later make their faces sore, to the boys for the rest of the school year.

3:07 pm:

The boys taunted Suzanne on her way home. There wasn’t much that she could do about it. She was busted for a high crime and the entire town knew about it. The enforcers had only accompanied her the last few days. The other BOB’s were not happy about her “Kiss & Blame” stunt. Sandy thought it was crossing the line. She and “The BOB” had their differences with her brother and Stephen, but blood was still thicker. Suzanne could have gotten Jarred into some seriously big trouble if the Hinkey kid hadn’t talked. Mr. Crow always said that you should respect the body of a woman. That meant you don’t hit, you don’t kiss, you don’t touch unless invited. And even then you better make sure. If the lips of a son of Mr. Crow were to touch a girls lips uninvited, those same lips would meet with Mr. Crows fist. Ouch. And he meant it. Boys will be boys, but you don’t act like “ANIMALS”. I kind of take offence to the last part of that remark, but then I am a dog.
Henry the Dog.

Family Tree

Tiny tree is planted with tenderness - add a little water and some love
It shall grow beside our home - and it's noble roots will never roam
with the guidance from the Lord above.

And as the years pass one day at a time
We shall watch it patiently begin it's endless climb
to the sky - you and I

Once again this tree shall see the seasons change - and the soft gleam from the morning sun
Oh this house with friends will see - this mighty trees maturity
And our hearts shall see what it's become

When we behold a leaf that's fallen to the ground
Memories of all its love forge smiles from a frown
Joyfully - in you and me

(chorus)
And the chorus of the wind - with leaves and branches sing again
As they form gentle harmony
Beauty, Grace, and Strength the same - we search for a majestic name
For the spirit of the tree
Call it Family

From imaginations of our children now - we see the might fortress there
Hide-n-seek, Olly oxen free - you can hide up in the tree with me
Climb a little higher if you dare

Everything seen in this tree is love standing tall
Like a friendship, all for one, and one for all
The binding tie - in you and I

This tree's tomorrow shall grow greener - if we all will join and play a part
Some say the world's a stage - but we may not need the script each page.
If we're acting souly from the heart.

If we take a little time to get to know
one another in this life together we will grow
Endlessly - yes, you and me

(repeat first chorus)

And the chorus of the wind - with leaves and branches sing again
As they form gentle harmony
Beauty, Grace, and Strength the same - we search for a majestic name
For the spirit of the tree
I call it Family

©1996 Ray Winkleman All rights reserved.

Alone

Day after day, try to work it out
in my mind just what it is
Wonder if, it's the love I doubt
What you've never had, you can miss.

I never knew, just what love was
Thought I looked, but I never found
Hoping someday it would find me
In the sea of Love, but I think it drown
Maybe someday somehow
I'll fall in love, but now
I'm all alone
All alone.

I am alone
Hopin' to find what's right for me
Always home
Dreamin' about the way it could be
Always hidin' all the pain
won't somebody come and stop the rain
Deep inside cryin all the time
Can no-one see that I'm
Alone

(Repeat bridge & chorus)

In the silence of the night I cry
Often think no matter if I die
STIL hope keeps me goin on
The words hold me tight in my song.

3r1 Creations
© 1991 Ray Winkleman

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 7 ! ! !

Monday “Memorial Day” May 26th 3:45 pm

Stephen and Jarred were at the Gruberville town picnic talking about the Friday before. They had escaped disaster twice since they saved Fast Freddy that one-day. The first time was when Suzanne tripped Stephen while he was carrying a large bucket of pond water for the teacher’s fish tank. Suzanne was hoping he would fall and spill the water all over Mrs. Stintenhutt. She would then claim that Stephen had “tossed” the water at the teacher. But instead, Stephen fell like an A-1 stunt man, dropping only a few cups worth on the floor. Mrs. Stinkybutt just turned and told him to be more careful. (I know, it’s rude to call people names…but I’m sure I smelled something awful coming from her direction while she stood out on the front lawn of the school monitoring the children heading home after classes.) And Suzanne had turned back around so quickly, there was no evidence of her attempt. The other incident was not so quickly apparent. The only witness was a 3rd grader and he was much too afraid to talk. It happened on Friday the 23rd first thing in the morning. Suzanne wanted to get the boys in trouble something fierce. I still don’t know why. My only conclusion was that maybe she was the spawn of some crazed escaped lunatic “horror circus” clown. Most of those clowns scare me. And as much as I would like to offer proof of my theory, there just isn’t any.

Suzanne was just leaving the girls rest room, when she could hear Jarred and Stephen talking in the boy’s room. She gave a quick thought to running into the boys room and then screaming, running back out and then claiming that the boys had dragged her in there. However, that thought gave way to her paranoia of how disgusting boys bathrooms are. Then as she exited the girl’s room, Suzanne could hear the principle talking to Mrs. Jones the 3rd grade teacher around the corner and down the hall. His voice always traveled well down the halls, so he got a bit louder as he slowly approached the intersection of halls. Suzanne could hear the boys washing their hands. (Isn’t it just great? These must be the only hygienically conscience boys on the planet. Or they were just trying to splash each other’s jeans to make it look like the other guy had wet himself peeing. Yea, I kind of lean toward the latter too.) She knew it would only be seconds before they came out of the boy’s room. In mere microseconds a light bulb went off, and she had developed an idea and poised her self, ready to take action. Not even the speed of a strobe light could have kept up with this one. Suzanne reached into her purse, pulled out a tube of Deep Crimson lipstick, and covered her lips accurately quick. As Suzy Moo Chews luck would have it, Mr. Fricklemier hit the corner and was distracted by another student who was running in the hall. As the boys started out of the wash room, rest room, bath room, boys room (just how many names do you humans have for the place you go pee? I just call it outside.) and all inside of 4 seconds Suzanne leaned in, grabbed both boys by the shirt, and made lipstick coated lip to lip contact with Stephen and Jarred. She then pushed herself away from them, dramatically falling to the floor shouting, “What are you doing? Stop it Stephen. No Jarred!” Oh now somebody has got to say it…’What a low down,, dirty rotten, Witch.’ Mr. Fricklemier released his runner as he heard Suzanne holler. He ran over and reached out a hand to help her up. “Are you okay?” he asked. Suzanne started to shed a few fake tears, and then mumbled something unintelligible. Picklebuyer looked at the lip evidence on the boys and offered his sympathy. “You just go on back to class, I’ll take care of these two. Grabbing one boy in each hand, he led them down to his office. The boys tried to explain the truth, but their crimson lips spoke of another story. “That third grader.” Stephen said. “Yea, Jeenky, Heenky something.” Jarred added “Yea, he saw the whole thing.” The boys began to exchange offers of info. “He was following us out of the…” “Where’d he go?” “You gotta ask him!” “He knows what happened, HE KNOWS!” Mr. Fricklemier interrupted “All right, all right. That’ll be enough. You two sit right here.” The boys sat down in the “Bench of Forthcoming Doom”. That’s what the kids called the bench you sat on to await your turn with the board of education. The flat wooded board of education. The principle left the office and headed back toward Mrs. Jones room. 4 minutes later he returned, gave the boys a hall pass to get back to their classroom, and told them to return to his office after school.

It took all day, many promises of protection, and a hand full of hard candy from the secretaries candy dish, to get the Hinky boy to talk. The BOB must have gotten to him earlier. But when he finally talked the truth was revealed. The boys were vindicated, and little miss Suzanne was now the one in the hot seat. Mr. Fricklemier knew the boys were still at that stage of thinking that girls were both cute and weird, so it was unlikely that they would have kissed Suzanne. Pushed her down maybe, but not kiss her. Since it took nearly all day Friday to get to the truth, Suzanne’s punishment would have to wait until Tuesday. “Boy, oh boy. I hope she gets the chair.” Jarred said. (The chair was ‘In School Suspension’. You had to sit in a very large uncomfortable wooden chair, facing the back wall in the small converted closet next to the principles office. There was a window on the door that all the other kids could see you through as they were going to recess, gym, or art class. You could only get up to go to the bathroom twice a day, and once to get your lunch from the lunch lady at the counter in the office. The rules were strict, and enforced. You were not allowed to speak to anyone. You were not allowed to turn around and look out the window. Just sit and do all the work assignments that your teacher provided. Each and every violation resulted in another day. It was like solitaire confinement.) “Yea, but even that would be getting off easy for her.” Stephen finished.

The boys went off and played some volleyball with the other boys. They ate, and got a little sunburn. The day wound down to a kind of chintzy fireworks display, but then the Independence Day fireworks were always much better.

Henry the Dog

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 6 ! ! !

Thursday, May 22nd , 2:53 pm:

The past week had been pretty quiet. The boys had to dip into their own lil bank accounts to pay for the dry cleaning on little miss Suzanne’s blouse. “Just let me pound it on a rock for a while. That’ll clean it.” Jarred suggested. “Well her head’s as hard as a rock.” Stephen chuckled back. The boys were on their way home from school. They were avoiding every single crack that came their way. No, they weren’t superstitious. It was more of a competition. “Step on a crack – You get a Whack” “cause Punch don’t rhyme.” Stephen would always add. Besides, the dandelions were now nothing but fuzz, and somewhere along the past few days Jarred lost the can he had been kicking. So out of sheer boredom ‘Crack Whack’ was envisioned.

“She’stryingtokillme.” “She’sTryingToKillMe!” “SHE’STRYINGTOKILLME!” Screamed Fast Freddy as he ran down the sidewalk past the boys. They looked behind them and sure enough, running not to far behind Fred came Suzanne and the two BOB enforcers armed with make-up and a bright yellow with pink daisies sundress. “ If they catch him…..” Stephen started. They’ll strip him and give him a Messy Make-over.” Jarred interrupted. “LET’S GO!” They finished together. The boys shifted into high gear to catch up to Freddy. “Run Freddy, RUN!” I barked. Goofy kid just stopped and turned around. “That’s not what I said you hairless two legged chicken. I said Run!” I wolfed back at him again. But then he might not have heard me due to the fact that the boys were yelling for him to ‘wait up’. How rude. Don’t I ever get to talk? I should bite somebody. But Who?

The boys caught up to Freddy and led him through a series of back yards to escape the girls. They could hear Suzanne hollering “You’re gonna be Deaddy, Fast Freddy!” Then the enforcers started calling out in a much more calm tone, “Hey Freddy! We have some candy. Do you want some?” It actually almost worked, 2 times. Because he was naturally hyper, Fred wasn’t aloud candy at home. The boys had to hold him back. “But they’re gonna give me candy.” He tried to mutter through the hand Stephens placed over his mouth. Then Stephen lowered it so he could breath.

Several months earlier the boys found a loose board in the Main Street side of the Klingermans, corner lot, fence. This allowed for speedier cutting all the corners type travel. And a hiding place when you needed a fast escape from getting into faster trouble. The boys ducked into the fence with Freddy, and quickly replaced the board. They could hear the girls candy offers getting closer. “When I get my hands on that Lip Flappin’ Freddy, I’m gonna make him wish he was never born.” They heard Rhonda say. Freddy gasped, and Stephen’s hand went back to silence Fred duty. “Yea, I think a nice Messy Make-over would do Frederica so good.” Mindy added. “Yes, ladies. That’s all fine, but the punishment should also fit the crime. Freddy wants to talk about everything, so…his makeover should include everything. Full facial. All clothing including under-garments and a walk down the center of Main Street, right after we force him to eat a few jalapeno peppers. His mouth will be on fire, so he won’t have much of anything to say. And with his eyes watering, the mascara we put on him will run and he’ll look like a sad female clown.” Freddy gasped again, following with his own hands over top of Stephens. Jarred thought ‘the make-up can’t look any worse than the crap they Spackle on themselves. The girls hollered out a few more taunts from the other side of the fence, which made Stephen and Jarred wonder if they knew where they were. Stephen looked at Jarred. Jarred looked at Stephen. They both looked at Fred who looked like a teary eyed dear in the headlights. “STAY HERE.” They whispered to Freddy in unison, and then bolted across the back yard and around the far side of the house. They came from behind a large bush on the Washington street side of the Klingerman’s house, and approached the corner acting like nothing was happening. They were very poor actors. “What’d you do with the fast talking, soon to be Dead Fred?” Suzanne sputtered as her gum shot out of her mouth. “He’s safe now. Far from you Gar-girls.” Jarred snapped back. He hated it when anyone picked on someone smaller than him or her self. Unless of course it was family. “Yea, you BOB-a-loonians better leave Fast Freddy alone. He’s done nothing to you.” Stephen defended.

They all just stood there staring at one another for a few seconds. “Well, his fast flippin’ lips almost got us in trouble at school.” Rhonda said. “ALMOST?! We got two days. TWO DAYS, for your invisible ink trick.” the boys shot back holding up two fingers each. “Yea well, we’re gonna get him one way or another.” Suzanne threatened as she squatted to tighten the laces in her left shoe. “LISTEN UP YOU GOONS!” Stephen snapped back. “You touch just one microscopic hair on Fred’s Head, and the Sick Slumber Party Tapes go public.” “And we mean PUBLIC! Not just parents. But the entire town.” Jarred added “And we know you aren’t on the tape Suzy, but you have been to a variety of sleepovers this month, and who’s to say you didn’t participate in what is on the tape. There isn’t clear evidence that you weren’t there. So dropping your name will be just as easy as the rest of them.” “You wouldn’t dare.” Suzanne said taking a forceful step toward the boys. The boys both just took a step of their own as Jarred said “You’re messing with the best there is SUZY! You have NO idea what we are capable of. So go ahead, just give us a fraction of a reason to turn your life upside down. Regret will be your new best friend.” Stephen, nodding as Jarred finished added in his best Tweety Bird Voice “She don’t know us very well. Do She?!?” “Just think about that instead of picking on some other fourth grader.” Jarred finished as they turned and walked away.

Jarred and Stephen walked over to the five and dime store to check the comic books section of the magazine rack. Then when they were about half way home it hit them all at once….”FAST FREDDY.” They forgot him by the fence. So as they ran toward the Klingermans, they had visions of Fred in high heels, a large garden hat, and what would look like clown make-up. When they got there the girls were long gone, and Fred was Fast…. asleep. Poor kid must have been worn out from all the excitement. Jarred gently woke him up and escorted him the rest of the way home. Freddy talked non-stop all the way. “Wouldthegirlsreallydoallthattome? Wouldtheyreallyputadressonme? Willyouguysbemybodyguards,causeI’mgonnaneedone!? Ihopetheynevercatchme. I’llhavetorunhomeveryfasteveryday! “ “Fred FRED. You’re gonna be okay. The BOB won’t bother you anymore.” Stephen said looking at Jarred who was rolling his eyes up into his skull.

Henry the Dog.