In Loving Memory of Esther Weaver of Middlefield, Ohio.

The Smile of a Rose.

This friend of mine, by Gods design
gave memories I so adore.
Her Brightly lit eyes, looked to the skies
for guidance from God and much more.
Her laughter filled the hearts she tilled,
willing to sow many seeds.
Sharing the Love, from God above,
while clearing the Garden of weeds.
Always kind words, like songs of birds
She ever so willingly chose.
I will miss dear, as God wipes my tear,
My friend with The Smile of a Rose.

Ray Winkleman

Say Hi to Jesus for us Esther.

With the Love of God in our Hearts
Your Friend in Christ

Thinking Inside to Out (thinking outside of the box)

While banging thoughts off these 6 walls
Yes, 4 sides, above, and below
An injustice like notion fervently mauls
The potential in me yet to grow
My mind is bigger than my limited zone
I’m told to stop thinking from in 

Yet this contemplation is all I’ve known
The external I’ve yet to delve in
Imagined or real I see the locks
That constrain my intellects route
How can I think outside of the box,
If no-one will let me out?

© 2008 Ray Winkleman.

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem ends ! ! !

Friday, May 30 4:30pm :

Mr. Cooper, after much deliberation with the Mrs., and many hours looking at the brochure, decided that Suzanne was NOT going to get an in-ground pool, or the arcade she wanted to impress her friends. Her stunt was definitely crossing every line imagined. Besides he had his eye on a new sports car. Suzanne could just go swimming at the pond like the rest of the kids in town. Mrs. Cooper could only walk away from the discussion mumbling something under her breath when Mr. Cooper put his foot down. Often she tried to be the one who wore the pants in the family, but the bottom line was this: Mr. Cooper was the head of the family. The god-head. They didn’t attend church every single Sunday, but this was a biblical principle they both grew up with and wanted as part of their marriage. Besides, since Mrs. Coopers name wasn’t on the checking account, and credit cards were a huge NO NO in the Cooper family. Too many problems with those things. So when it came to the big decisions like new furniture, appliances, and in-ground swimming pools, there was always fair and open discussion, but Mr. Cooper had the final word. ‘Princess’ would just have to do without until she was able to prove that she has matured. Suzanne was very angry with having not gotten away with her stunt, like she had with so many others. She thought, for a very small brief moment ‘I’ll show him. I’ll run away. But the thought of not sleeping in her own soft and comfy bed just made her pout a little quieter. Then Mr. Cooper called Suzanne down stairs to offer her a trip to the store. Though she would not be getting her very own pool, she had grown this past year and would need a swim suit for the pond. So he stated “You can go on pouting the rest of the summer or you can go with your mother and pick out a suit for this summer.” And in perfect Suzanne form she asked, “Just ONE?!?” “Yes! JUST ONE!” Was her father’s quick and final reply.

4:55 pm:

Stephen and Jarred rode past the intersection that Mrs. Cooper and Suzanne were stopped at. They could see Rochester and Rudolf, the Cooper’s Romanian Hairless, jumping from the front seat to the back. I would have jumped too. All those girl germs. Probably the only smart thing those smelly cats ever did. Cats?! Usually they make good shoe shine rags, but these two were hairless. Just plain weird. No hair means you can’t rub a balloon on their fur and watch 'em freak out. To us dogs, it’s real funny.

5:07 pm:

The boys arrived at their destination in record time. They removed their backpacks, walked up the sidewalk and knocked on the door. They were at Bradley Millers house. Mrs. Miller opened the door. “May I help you?” she asked. “We’re Jarred and Stephen. We’re here to see Bra….” “Hey guys, come on in.” Bradley said from behind his mom. All three boys walked over to Mr. Millers den, and Bradley closed the door. Just as they were figuring out where they were supposed to sit, Mrs. Miller knocked, opened the door, and asked, “Would you boys like some milk and cookies?” Jarred and Stephen just looked at Bradley, as if to say, ' it's up to you dude ’. Bradley replied. “Yes, thank you Mama.” Stephen reached into his backpack, past the squirt gun, over the bag of water balloons, and just under his Cleveland Indians Baseball hat and pulled out his History book. Jarred did the same. “Thanks again, Bradley.” Jarred said. “I know that we can pass the final exam, but we don’t want to risk any possibility of failing.” Yea, thanks Brad.” Stephen said. “Please, call me Bradley. And I’m happy to help.” Bradley said. He felt that it was the name his parents gave him and there were no real shortcuts in life, including names. “I always study even when I know the material. Cause you never know when you might forget something.” He finished as he opened his History book and began to recite just about everything Mrs. Stintenhutt said throughout the week.

Mrs. Miller brought in the milk and cookies, whispered something to Bradley, and then he whispered back. The three boys all gave mouthful of cookie 'Thank You’s, being extra careful not to let any crumbs hit the floor, and went back to studying. Bradley covered the chapter’s highlights for the whole book in what seemed like only an hour, but was actually almost 3 hours. Stephen looked at his watch, and jumped to his feet. “Oh man. It’s almost 7 o’clock. My moms gonna kill us. We were supposed to be home by 6:30 for dinner.” He said urging Jarred to pack up his bag and get moving. They started to cram their books into their backpacks as Mrs. Miller walked into the room. “You boys ready for dinner?” she asked. The boys tried to apologize for running off, and since there was such a sense of urgency, they seemed to stumble over each other’s words. “Nonsense boys.” She said. “I called your parents and asked if it was okay for you to stay for dinner here.” “But my parents aren’t home. They’re out of town.” Jarred replied. “Yes, that is what I found out when I called and spoke with Mrs. Myers. I hope that they enjoy their weekend.” She smiled her happy homemaker smile at all the boys. “So then, you will be having dinner with the Millers tonight. And Stephen, please be sure to thank your mother for her Cinnamon Apple Fritters recipe. We’ll be having that for desert tonight.” The boy’s eyes just about jumped out of their sockets. They loved the Fritters, and usually only got them on very special occasions. All four of them, met Mr. Miller in the dinning room. Introductions were made, and they all sat down to Mrs. Millers succulent blue ribbon roast beef,

8:00 pm:

Mr. Cooper, upon the return of his wife and daughter, called them into his study. He lowered his newspaper, lying it down on his desk and made an announcement that Suzanne was going to host a party. Suzanne’s excitement was breathtaking, until… “You are going to be the hostess of a party this summer. For any and all of the people that were even partially related to anyone that was involved in any of your disgraceful behavior since we have arrived in Gruberville. You will serve them, and make every effort to make sure that they enjoy every single second of their time in our home. And the highlight of the gather will be you making a very public apology to all you have caused trouble for. This will include students, teachers, parents and anyone else your mother and I deem a victim of sorts.” Suzanne started to pout and tried to get some sympathy from her mother by leaning her head on moms shoulder. Mr. Cooper, lifting his paper back up to finish his evening reading, finished. “If either of you give me any sort of grief over this…or you act up even once any time soon, for the next year we will do all our shopping in every salvage store for all of out house hold needs. Food and supplies, clothes and Christmas. Don’t think for one second that I won’t go through with it for the entire year.” And he would too. He once gave the clothing allowance (6 months savings) Mrs. Cooper saved for the Fall line, to a University for the study of sleep deprivation. Something Mrs. could never understand as when her head hits the pillow she is sawing logs louder than a lumberjack.

Henry the Dog.

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 8 ! ! !

Thursday, May 29th 101:56 am:

“So who can tell me the name of the river General Washington is crossing in this picture here?” Mrs. Stintenhutt asked as she pointed to the middle picture in a series of revolutionary war drawings. Bradley Miller was the only on to raise his hand. Bradley was the star pupil of the class. In fact, Bradley was the star pupil of the entire school and district. Statewide Spelling Bee champion for grade schooler's, Math wiz, Science project Blue ribbon winner. The boy just didn’t know how to Not succeed. The teacher called out “Stephen Beatty?!” He turned his eyes up from the Elmer’s Glue Booger he was making in the palm of his hand. “Yes Ma’am.” He replied. “Do you have an answer for my question, or is your glue booger going to take priority over this lesson.” she asked back. The whole class giggled. “And what about you Miss Cooper. You are giggling pretty loud over there. Do you have an answer?” Stintenhutt asked. “No Ma’am.” “Well I might as well let you all know now. This and much more is going to be on the final exam next week. I strongly suggest that you all open your books this weekend and get you minds wrapped around this information. As much as I like this class, I still do not want to see any of you held back, and end up back in my class again next year because of a simple history test.” “YES MA’AM” The collective disappointed sigh of a response came.

11:20 am:

The recess bell rings on cue. Books are shoved into desks, hands are clasped on the top of the desks, and silence now fills the room. “Class dismissed.” excused the teacher. The kids all walked like ladies and gentlemen to the door outside, and then as quick as you can blink, they dropped the false dignity and bolted for the playground equipment. The boys noticed “The BOB” going straight to their table, but Suzanne wasn’t with them. Then, as if in stereo “OH THAT’S RIGHT! SUZY MOO CHEW’S NEW LUNCH CREW IS WITH THE BLUE FEW, WHO WITH OUT A CLUE DREW FRICKLEMIER’S TRUE DOO OF A BALD HUE INN THE WATER LOO.” Did you all get that? Allow me to explain. Suzanne didn’t end up getting the chair, like the boys had hoped. Instead she had to spend her lunch time and recess with the two sixth graders who were caught drawing a picture (darn good likeness too) of Principle Fricklemier without his toupee’ on the boys bathroom wall. Dwayne and Dwight. The only set of twins in Grueberville, if you don’t count Jarred and Stephen. It was but a stroke of timing that kept the boys from getting blamed. As it was the D-twins, were busted while adding the Hitler mustache, by Picklebuyer himself. Having experienced “In School Suspension” them selves, Stephen and Jarred really wanted to see Suzanne get The Chair. But then, imagining her sitting between the twins with their manure packed boots, and their newly developed coming of age scent (Puberty was coming on strong and boy did they need to learn the use of deodorant.) brought the largest smiles, that would later make their faces sore, to the boys for the rest of the school year.

3:07 pm:

The boys taunted Suzanne on her way home. There wasn’t much that she could do about it. She was busted for a high crime and the entire town knew about it. The enforcers had only accompanied her the last few days. The other BOB’s were not happy about her “Kiss & Blame” stunt. Sandy thought it was crossing the line. She and “The BOB” had their differences with her brother and Stephen, but blood was still thicker. Suzanne could have gotten Jarred into some seriously big trouble if the Hinkey kid hadn’t talked. Mr. Crow always said that you should respect the body of a woman. That meant you don’t hit, you don’t kiss, you don’t touch unless invited. And even then you better make sure. If the lips of a son of Mr. Crow were to touch a girls lips uninvited, those same lips would meet with Mr. Crows fist. Ouch. And he meant it. Boys will be boys, but you don’t act like “ANIMALS”. I kind of take offence to the last part of that remark, but then I am a dog.
Henry the Dog.

Family Tree

Tiny tree is planted with tenderness - add a little water and some love
It shall grow beside our home - and it's noble roots will never roam
with the guidance from the Lord above.

And as the years pass one day at a time
We shall watch it patiently begin it's endless climb
to the sky - you and I

Once again this tree shall see the seasons change - and the soft gleam from the morning sun
Oh this house with friends will see - this mighty trees maturity
And our hearts shall see what it's become

When we behold a leaf that's fallen to the ground
Memories of all its love forge smiles from a frown
Joyfully - in you and me

(chorus)
And the chorus of the wind - with leaves and branches sing again
As they form gentle harmony
Beauty, Grace, and Strength the same - we search for a majestic name
For the spirit of the tree
Call it Family

From imaginations of our children now - we see the might fortress there
Hide-n-seek, Olly oxen free - you can hide up in the tree with me
Climb a little higher if you dare

Everything seen in this tree is love standing tall
Like a friendship, all for one, and one for all
The binding tie - in you and I

This tree's tomorrow shall grow greener - if we all will join and play a part
Some say the world's a stage - but we may not need the script each page.
If we're acting souly from the heart.

If we take a little time to get to know
one another in this life together we will grow
Endlessly - yes, you and me

(repeat first chorus)

And the chorus of the wind - with leaves and branches sing again
As they form gentle harmony
Beauty, Grace, and Strength the same - we search for a majestic name
For the spirit of the tree
I call it Family

©1996 Ray Winkleman All rights reserved.

Alone

Day after day, try to work it out
in my mind just what it is
Wonder if, it's the love I doubt
What you've never had, you can miss.

I never knew, just what love was
Thought I looked, but I never found
Hoping someday it would find me
In the sea of Love, but I think it drown
Maybe someday somehow
I'll fall in love, but now
I'm all alone
All alone.

I am alone
Hopin' to find what's right for me
Always home
Dreamin' about the way it could be
Always hidin' all the pain
won't somebody come and stop the rain
Deep inside cryin all the time
Can no-one see that I'm
Alone

(Repeat bridge & chorus)

In the silence of the night I cry
Often think no matter if I die
STIL hope keeps me goin on
The words hold me tight in my song.

3r1 Creations
© 1991 Ray Winkleman

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 7 ! ! !

Monday “Memorial Day” May 26th 3:45 pm

Stephen and Jarred were at the Gruberville town picnic talking about the Friday before. They had escaped disaster twice since they saved Fast Freddy that one-day. The first time was when Suzanne tripped Stephen while he was carrying a large bucket of pond water for the teacher’s fish tank. Suzanne was hoping he would fall and spill the water all over Mrs. Stintenhutt. She would then claim that Stephen had “tossed” the water at the teacher. But instead, Stephen fell like an A-1 stunt man, dropping only a few cups worth on the floor. Mrs. Stinkybutt just turned and told him to be more careful. (I know, it’s rude to call people names…but I’m sure I smelled something awful coming from her direction while she stood out on the front lawn of the school monitoring the children heading home after classes.) And Suzanne had turned back around so quickly, there was no evidence of her attempt. The other incident was not so quickly apparent. The only witness was a 3rd grader and he was much too afraid to talk. It happened on Friday the 23rd first thing in the morning. Suzanne wanted to get the boys in trouble something fierce. I still don’t know why. My only conclusion was that maybe she was the spawn of some crazed escaped lunatic “horror circus” clown. Most of those clowns scare me. And as much as I would like to offer proof of my theory, there just isn’t any.

Suzanne was just leaving the girls rest room, when she could hear Jarred and Stephen talking in the boy’s room. She gave a quick thought to running into the boys room and then screaming, running back out and then claiming that the boys had dragged her in there. However, that thought gave way to her paranoia of how disgusting boys bathrooms are. Then as she exited the girl’s room, Suzanne could hear the principle talking to Mrs. Jones the 3rd grade teacher around the corner and down the hall. His voice always traveled well down the halls, so he got a bit louder as he slowly approached the intersection of halls. Suzanne could hear the boys washing their hands. (Isn’t it just great? These must be the only hygienically conscience boys on the planet. Or they were just trying to splash each other’s jeans to make it look like the other guy had wet himself peeing. Yea, I kind of lean toward the latter too.) She knew it would only be seconds before they came out of the boy’s room. In mere microseconds a light bulb went off, and she had developed an idea and poised her self, ready to take action. Not even the speed of a strobe light could have kept up with this one. Suzanne reached into her purse, pulled out a tube of Deep Crimson lipstick, and covered her lips accurately quick. As Suzy Moo Chews luck would have it, Mr. Fricklemier hit the corner and was distracted by another student who was running in the hall. As the boys started out of the wash room, rest room, bath room, boys room (just how many names do you humans have for the place you go pee? I just call it outside.) and all inside of 4 seconds Suzanne leaned in, grabbed both boys by the shirt, and made lipstick coated lip to lip contact with Stephen and Jarred. She then pushed herself away from them, dramatically falling to the floor shouting, “What are you doing? Stop it Stephen. No Jarred!” Oh now somebody has got to say it…’What a low down,, dirty rotten, Witch.’ Mr. Fricklemier released his runner as he heard Suzanne holler. He ran over and reached out a hand to help her up. “Are you okay?” he asked. Suzanne started to shed a few fake tears, and then mumbled something unintelligible. Picklebuyer looked at the lip evidence on the boys and offered his sympathy. “You just go on back to class, I’ll take care of these two. Grabbing one boy in each hand, he led them down to his office. The boys tried to explain the truth, but their crimson lips spoke of another story. “That third grader.” Stephen said. “Yea, Jeenky, Heenky something.” Jarred added “Yea, he saw the whole thing.” The boys began to exchange offers of info. “He was following us out of the…” “Where’d he go?” “You gotta ask him!” “He knows what happened, HE KNOWS!” Mr. Fricklemier interrupted “All right, all right. That’ll be enough. You two sit right here.” The boys sat down in the “Bench of Forthcoming Doom”. That’s what the kids called the bench you sat on to await your turn with the board of education. The flat wooded board of education. The principle left the office and headed back toward Mrs. Jones room. 4 minutes later he returned, gave the boys a hall pass to get back to their classroom, and told them to return to his office after school.

It took all day, many promises of protection, and a hand full of hard candy from the secretaries candy dish, to get the Hinky boy to talk. The BOB must have gotten to him earlier. But when he finally talked the truth was revealed. The boys were vindicated, and little miss Suzanne was now the one in the hot seat. Mr. Fricklemier knew the boys were still at that stage of thinking that girls were both cute and weird, so it was unlikely that they would have kissed Suzanne. Pushed her down maybe, but not kiss her. Since it took nearly all day Friday to get to the truth, Suzanne’s punishment would have to wait until Tuesday. “Boy, oh boy. I hope she gets the chair.” Jarred said. (The chair was ‘In School Suspension’. You had to sit in a very large uncomfortable wooden chair, facing the back wall in the small converted closet next to the principles office. There was a window on the door that all the other kids could see you through as they were going to recess, gym, or art class. You could only get up to go to the bathroom twice a day, and once to get your lunch from the lunch lady at the counter in the office. The rules were strict, and enforced. You were not allowed to speak to anyone. You were not allowed to turn around and look out the window. Just sit and do all the work assignments that your teacher provided. Each and every violation resulted in another day. It was like solitaire confinement.) “Yea, but even that would be getting off easy for her.” Stephen finished.

The boys went off and played some volleyball with the other boys. They ate, and got a little sunburn. The day wound down to a kind of chintzy fireworks display, but then the Independence Day fireworks were always much better.

Henry the Dog

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 6 ! ! !

Thursday, May 22nd , 2:53 pm:

The past week had been pretty quiet. The boys had to dip into their own lil bank accounts to pay for the dry cleaning on little miss Suzanne’s blouse. “Just let me pound it on a rock for a while. That’ll clean it.” Jarred suggested. “Well her head’s as hard as a rock.” Stephen chuckled back. The boys were on their way home from school. They were avoiding every single crack that came their way. No, they weren’t superstitious. It was more of a competition. “Step on a crack – You get a Whack” “cause Punch don’t rhyme.” Stephen would always add. Besides, the dandelions were now nothing but fuzz, and somewhere along the past few days Jarred lost the can he had been kicking. So out of sheer boredom ‘Crack Whack’ was envisioned.

“She’stryingtokillme.” “She’sTryingToKillMe!” “SHE’STRYINGTOKILLME!” Screamed Fast Freddy as he ran down the sidewalk past the boys. They looked behind them and sure enough, running not to far behind Fred came Suzanne and the two BOB enforcers armed with make-up and a bright yellow with pink daisies sundress. “ If they catch him…..” Stephen started. They’ll strip him and give him a Messy Make-over.” Jarred interrupted. “LET’S GO!” They finished together. The boys shifted into high gear to catch up to Freddy. “Run Freddy, RUN!” I barked. Goofy kid just stopped and turned around. “That’s not what I said you hairless two legged chicken. I said Run!” I wolfed back at him again. But then he might not have heard me due to the fact that the boys were yelling for him to ‘wait up’. How rude. Don’t I ever get to talk? I should bite somebody. But Who?

The boys caught up to Freddy and led him through a series of back yards to escape the girls. They could hear Suzanne hollering “You’re gonna be Deaddy, Fast Freddy!” Then the enforcers started calling out in a much more calm tone, “Hey Freddy! We have some candy. Do you want some?” It actually almost worked, 2 times. Because he was naturally hyper, Fred wasn’t aloud candy at home. The boys had to hold him back. “But they’re gonna give me candy.” He tried to mutter through the hand Stephens placed over his mouth. Then Stephen lowered it so he could breath.

Several months earlier the boys found a loose board in the Main Street side of the Klingermans, corner lot, fence. This allowed for speedier cutting all the corners type travel. And a hiding place when you needed a fast escape from getting into faster trouble. The boys ducked into the fence with Freddy, and quickly replaced the board. They could hear the girls candy offers getting closer. “When I get my hands on that Lip Flappin’ Freddy, I’m gonna make him wish he was never born.” They heard Rhonda say. Freddy gasped, and Stephen’s hand went back to silence Fred duty. “Yea, I think a nice Messy Make-over would do Frederica so good.” Mindy added. “Yes, ladies. That’s all fine, but the punishment should also fit the crime. Freddy wants to talk about everything, so…his makeover should include everything. Full facial. All clothing including under-garments and a walk down the center of Main Street, right after we force him to eat a few jalapeno peppers. His mouth will be on fire, so he won’t have much of anything to say. And with his eyes watering, the mascara we put on him will run and he’ll look like a sad female clown.” Freddy gasped again, following with his own hands over top of Stephens. Jarred thought ‘the make-up can’t look any worse than the crap they Spackle on themselves. The girls hollered out a few more taunts from the other side of the fence, which made Stephen and Jarred wonder if they knew where they were. Stephen looked at Jarred. Jarred looked at Stephen. They both looked at Fred who looked like a teary eyed dear in the headlights. “STAY HERE.” They whispered to Freddy in unison, and then bolted across the back yard and around the far side of the house. They came from behind a large bush on the Washington street side of the Klingerman’s house, and approached the corner acting like nothing was happening. They were very poor actors. “What’d you do with the fast talking, soon to be Dead Fred?” Suzanne sputtered as her gum shot out of her mouth. “He’s safe now. Far from you Gar-girls.” Jarred snapped back. He hated it when anyone picked on someone smaller than him or her self. Unless of course it was family. “Yea, you BOB-a-loonians better leave Fast Freddy alone. He’s done nothing to you.” Stephen defended.

They all just stood there staring at one another for a few seconds. “Well, his fast flippin’ lips almost got us in trouble at school.” Rhonda said. “ALMOST?! We got two days. TWO DAYS, for your invisible ink trick.” the boys shot back holding up two fingers each. “Yea well, we’re gonna get him one way or another.” Suzanne threatened as she squatted to tighten the laces in her left shoe. “LISTEN UP YOU GOONS!” Stephen snapped back. “You touch just one microscopic hair on Fred’s Head, and the Sick Slumber Party Tapes go public.” “And we mean PUBLIC! Not just parents. But the entire town.” Jarred added “And we know you aren’t on the tape Suzy, but you have been to a variety of sleepovers this month, and who’s to say you didn’t participate in what is on the tape. There isn’t clear evidence that you weren’t there. So dropping your name will be just as easy as the rest of them.” “You wouldn’t dare.” Suzanne said taking a forceful step toward the boys. The boys both just took a step of their own as Jarred said “You’re messing with the best there is SUZY! You have NO idea what we are capable of. So go ahead, just give us a fraction of a reason to turn your life upside down. Regret will be your new best friend.” Stephen, nodding as Jarred finished added in his best Tweety Bird Voice “She don’t know us very well. Do She?!?” “Just think about that instead of picking on some other fourth grader.” Jarred finished as they turned and walked away.

Jarred and Stephen walked over to the five and dime store to check the comic books section of the magazine rack. Then when they were about half way home it hit them all at once….”FAST FREDDY.” They forgot him by the fence. So as they ran toward the Klingermans, they had visions of Fred in high heels, a large garden hat, and what would look like clown make-up. When they got there the girls were long gone, and Fred was Fast…. asleep. Poor kid must have been worn out from all the excitement. Jarred gently woke him up and escorted him the rest of the way home. Freddy talked non-stop all the way. “Wouldthegirlsreallydoallthattome? Wouldtheyreallyputadressonme? Willyouguysbemybodyguards,causeI’mgonnaneedone!? Ihopetheynevercatchme. I’llhavetorunhomeveryfasteveryday! “ “Fred FRED. You’re gonna be okay. The BOB won’t bother you anymore.” Stephen said looking at Jarred who was rolling his eyes up into his skull.

Henry the Dog.

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 5 ! ! !

Wednesday, May 14th 11:33 am”
During recess over at the picnic table that no one else dared to congregate, sat MONSTERS. Mindy, Olla, Nancy, Sandy (Jarred’s sis), Tammy Ellie, Rhonda, and newest member of ‘the BOB’ Suzanne. What a sight they were. It’s Wednesday, and that means that the Gar-girls are color coordinated today. Yeah, I know. Thank God us dogs are color blind. So obviously I can only tell you this, second hand. Well…second paw. Anyway, Blue was the color of the day. So there was a sea of several shades of it over by the tables. Blue, Navy, Sky, China, Cobalt, Sapphire, and Cerulean. And that was just the skirts and blouses. The socks, jewelry, and hair accessories came in Aqua, Azure, Indigo, and of course “Mark Thompson Blue” (the same shade as his eyes). Girls are so weird. Now Suzanne, having Mommy dearest taker her shopping, had to have the best of the best. There wasn’t much jealousy coming from the rest of the girls, just a comment now and then when Suzanne would go on and on about where the outfit came from and the outrageous cost. All said this was usually considered a safe day on the playground because ‘the BOB’ didn’t want to mess up their outfits or to ruin what Sandy called the “Color Atmosphere” that they created. Ooooookay then.

11:42 am:
In one gentle swift movement, almost synchronized, ‘the BOB’ got up from their table and headed into the playground. From the far side of the grounds, hidden behind a giant Lilac bush, Stephen and Jarred could see the BLOB moving from kid to kid. They would surround him or her in a tight circle, almost hover there like vultures for a minute and then leave. For 15 minutes this went on, all the while Suzanne was clutching her precious blue purse close to her body. Then off to the east end of the grounds Jarred noticed a blur of sorts coming their way. It dodged in and out of every possible crevice and hiding place the boys were known to hide. “Hey. Look over there.” Jarred pointed. “Who is that?” Stephen asked. “I think its Fast Freddy.” “Who?” he inquired again. “You know! Fred!? Uh…I can’t remember his last name. You know…the kid that talks a hundred miles an hour. I think he’s in the other 5th grade class.” Jarred ended. “Oh yah. What’s he doing darting around like a fugitive?” Stephen inquired. “I think he’s looking for us?” Jarred answered raising an eyebrow.

11:44 am:
“Jarred! Stephen!” Fred said almost out of breath. “You guys gotta hear this.” Fred took a deep breath……………and then like rapid fire……….
“TheBOBisaskingalotofquiestionaboutyouguysandsomekindofvideotapes.” Deep breathe…”Theyarethreateningeveryonethatiftheydon’ttellwhattheyknowthattheywillstriptheboysdowntotheirunderwareandgivethegirlsablackeyeorfakehickyandtelleveryoneitisreal.” Breath… “Suzanneisofferingarewardforinformationleadingtotheposessionandproofofdestructionofanyandallsaidtapes. Whatarethetapestheyaretalkingaboutandwhydotheywantthem? AreyouguyssomekindofjuniorFBIagents? CanIjoin? CanIhelp? I’llbeagoodspy! I’llgotomydeathbeforeItalk!” Right! Go to his death before talking? Fast Freddy couldn’t stop talking if his life depended on it. Often his teacher has come over to his desk and squeezed his shoulder or gave his desk a tap with a yardstick to stop him from talking him self-unconscious. Breathe Fred BREATHE. Anyway, what is it with teachers and yardsticks? “Fast Freddy?! Er, uh I mean Fred. FRED.” Stephen interrupted him putting his finger to his mouth. “Shhhhh. Actually we are CIA. Youth Division.” Jarred held back a giggle. “Yah, and we’ll let you know if you can join later. But right now, you need to go so we can call head quarters on our secret hidden phones.” Fred darted out and back towards the other end of the playground, doing all he could to avoid being seen by ‘the BOB’. “Secret Phones?” Stephen chuckled. “Yah well, ya know. Had to say something!” Jarred replied back. Stephen gave Jarred a punch in the arm and said. “Good one, Goober-head.” Jarred cringed for a second and punched him back. “Ow, you Goober-doofis.” They both just rolled their eyes and shook their heads.

11:52 am:
Watching ‘the BOB’ get closer to their position, the boys made ready some dirt balls to throw just in case. The girls had finished threatening most of the kids on the playground, and were now heading toward the boys location. “Get ready!” they both said under their breath. “Stephen? Jarred?” Sandy called out to them in a seemingly non-threatening way. “What do you Gar-girls want?” Jarred questioned back. “We just wanna talk for a minute.” Suzanne said softly, while reaching into her purse. The boys took flanks, and exited the bush from either side. Poised and ready for battle, they each had two compacted dirtballs, loaded with worms, ready for action. “What is it? What do you want?” the girls heard them say, now in stereo. “I was just showing everyone the new pen my Daddy bought me.” She said pulling out a fancy calligraphy pen; with one of those handles you pull back to suck the ink up into it. “WOW! That’s pretty cool.” Jarred shot out quickly, dropping one of his dirt grenades. Stephen, now standing next to him, elbowed his side, to try and warm him of the oncoming danger. Suzanne continued. “It’s real expensive, and it has this ejection slide to squirt out the excess ink when you are done writing.” Just then she pulled back the slide and squirted ink all over the boys shirts. They both looked down at their now black ink stained shirts, looked at each other with some wide-eyed disbelief, and then looked back at Suzanne. “You JERK.” Stephen shouted, and slung a dirt ball right into the center of Suzanne’s blue and white blouse. “You Rotten Rich Brat. Who do you think you are?” Jarred said just before smashing his remaining grenade right on Suzanne’s head. Suzanne dropped to the ground and started crying. It didn’t take long for the playground monitor to hear her exaggerated cries and come running to investigate. “What have YOU boys done this time?” She asked. The boys, in full-blown panic mode, started explaining, trading sentences back and forth, beginning with Stephen. “We only fought back.” “She squirted ink on us.“ Yah, Suzanne started it.” “That’s right. She and this mob have been harassing everyone on the playground.” “Tell her about the ink.” “Fred said that all these girls were stirring up trouble and threatening other kids.” “And then she comes over here and shoots ink all over our shirts.” “So then Suzy Moo, I mean Suzanne, starts her crying like a baby and…” The monitor interrupts. “ Wait wait wait wait. Calm down now. What are you boys talking about? Squirting Ink?!? What? Where is this ink you keep shouting about?” The boys look down at their shirts again…and …Nothing. There was no stain, no mark, no ink, nothing. Nada, zip, zilch, zero. “But….but there was…..there was…..” They both just stuttered about for a few seconds. Grabbing one ear in each of her hands, Ms. Kappral lead the boys off to the principles office. Catching just glimpses, the boys saw Suzanne jump up, take a bow to the other girls, wipe off her blouse, and blow a kiss toward the boys.

Disappearing Ink. The boys had only ever heard of the stuff. They never dreamed that it actually existed. It was the only conclusion that they could come up with. That sneaky, low down, rotten, so and so Suzanne. She set them up. She gambled every step, and predicted exactly what they boys would do. Now in the clubhouse, the boys were discussing her cunning and wit, but they refused to grant her ‘Worthy Adversary’ notoriety. 2 weeks of eraser clapping detention, and after 2 swats each from their dads, the boys found them selves plotting careful retaliation. "That Suzanne. Grrrrr." Hey, I'm the Dog, I'll do the growling around here. You two just be boys and keep her

Henry the Dog

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 4 ! ! !

Monday, May 12th 1:17 pm:
In the Art Room, just down the hall from Mrs. Stintenhutts class, the Art teacher Mr. Brooks was in the supply closet looking for some more glue. Mean while, Stephen flipped his upper eyelids up and stretched the bottom lids and his bottom lip down. Jarred hooked the sides of his mouth with his pinky fingers stretching his lips diagonally, stuck out is tongue, and pushed his nose up with another finger. Then spinning a quarter turn on their chairs, twisting the rest of their bodies to face her, leaning back on the chairs rear legs, the boys came face to face with Suzanne Cooper and gave out a few pig calls. “oink oink – snort snort – suuuuuey” Suzanne tilted her head to the left flipped her hair back off of her shoulder, and in her ‘I’m NOT from the south, but I like to pretend that I’m a southern bell’ voice, she asked “Why gentlemen…what ever have I done to deserve such a childish display?” “You know what you did.” Jarred spouted off. “Yeah. And don’t think that we are going to forget about it either.” Stephen finished. “BOYS, Boys, boys.” She said getting a little bit quieter. Suzanne looked around to see that no one else was listening and began to speak again. “That was a test. I needed to see if you boys, uh I mean young men, had the guts and morality that everyone claims you do. And it would seem that the others are right. You took it like men, and I respect that. Somebody else might have turned the tables and got me in trouble, but you boys didn’t.” She got a little bit quieter now. The boys quickly turned thinking a double cross was coming again and that Mr. Brooks was standing behind watching them perform his greatest pet peeve. But no, he was still busy shuffling supplies in the closet. “Gentlemen!” she whispered leaning a bit forward toward the boys. In one practiced motion, they turned leaned and rested an arm on the art table behind them. “I harbor no ill feelings for the two of you. In fact, tomorrow I’ll bring in some cookies to show you that I don’t. How does some home-made Chocolate Chip cookies sound?” She had their attention now, but trust was a dirty four-letter word with Suzanne now. “No thanks Suzy.” Jarred stated with extreme sarcasm, and then Stephen finished “We’d rather not fall for on of your little traps again.” Suzanne got a bit quieter again. Leaning in another, not so obvious, inch toward the boys, thus causing them to lean back a bit more on their chairs just to hear her, she spoke gently. “You should trust your instincts.” Both the brows on the boys lowered inquisitively, when suddenly Suzanne reached across her table, grabbed the leaning arm of each boy, and pulled. ‘SLAM BAM’ the sound of the wood and metal of their chairs bouncing on the classroom floor was quite loud. They scurried around trying to pick up themselves and their chairs and get them both back into a seated position.

Mr. Brooks new those sounds, all too well. He collected the glue he was looking for, and closed the closet doors. He walked over toward the two desks that were in need of the adhesive he was bringing. Calmly, and knowing by the panting and red blushing faces who was guilty, he asked, “What’s going on in here?” He set the glue down and took a few steps back to face the culprits. “Mr. Crow, Mr. Myers? Is there something you wish to tell me?” he asked. “No Sir!” came the unified standard response. “Uh, Mr. Brooks?” Suzanne said raising her hand to speak. “Yes Miss Cooper!” “Stephen and Jarred were leaning back on their chairs bothering me, and then they fell.” She offered as if he didn’t already know. ‘That stinking bag of skunk guts.’ Jarred though, and as if by telepathy Stephen said it turning his head toward Suzanne. “You stinking bag of skunk guts.” WHAP! Smacking Stephen’s desk, Mr. Brook's yardstick made the whole class jump. “You are done, Mr. Myers.” He said. “But she…” WHAP! Again. With the same calm, cool and collected voice, Mr. Brooks reiterated. “I SAID you are done. Now. Is what Miss Tattle-tale just said, true?” He had a distaste for tattle-tales and snitching more so than kids leaning back on their chairs. “Yes Sir.” the boys answered. They were devious and cunning, and always finding trouble, but it was a long instilled value to always tell the truth when asked. Of course they had moments of trying to justify their actions, but truth meant honor, and honor was for men. Yeah, I know, I’m a puppy and they’re just boys, but only in age. Giving only a second of thought to the situation Mr. Brooks said, “Well then, the two of you can stand for the remainder of the class. Remove your chairs the back of the room and come back to your table to finish your projects.” The boys could have told Mr. Brooks that Suzanne was just as guilty and she would be standing too, but that would have been tattling just like her. Besides, making her stand was too easy. Plotting a payback was much more fun. The boys hadn’t yet tested Suzanne enough to see just how far they could go without causing a total meltdown. And no idea light bulbs were flickering on right now. This was just not the time. But it was coming….

Tuesday May 13th 7:30 am:
“Hey, what’s that?” Jarred asked running up to a rectangular black object on the sidewalk. Stephen whacked another dandelion, and then hurried after. “Huh, it’s a video tape.” Jarred said just as Stephen caught up. “Look. It’s all smashed up, and the tape is pulled out to half a block up there.” “I hate it when people litter.” Stephen said. They grabbed the pieces up and began to roll up the loose tape. When they got to the end, they just tossed it in one of the not yet emptied garbage cans along the street. Jarred went back to kicking his now dented and rusty can, and Stephen gave his backside another wiggle before his next shot as he spoke in is commentator voice. “S. Myers lines up the ball. He knows he needs this one on the green, or the whole tournament is shot to pieces. He looks down the fairway, looks at the ball, looks down the…” And then interrupting suddenly “Hey, there’s another one.” Jarred shouted. Stephen looked up from the stick and flower he was about to send into oblivion. “Huh? Another what?” he asked. “There’s another video tape up ahead. Rotten dirt bags littering up our sidewalks. Someone outta smack ‘em in the knee with a stick for doing that.” Jarred said. Then Stephen offering his first thoughts said “Some kid probably got mad at his Mommy and Daddy for not letting him stay up and watch a movie, and decided to break a few out of spite. Dumb Litterbug. He could have just thrown them awa…wa wait a minute. Do you see that?” “Stephen, please tell me that isn’t the number 4 your scratched into the fourth video of ‘the BOB’s’ slumber party recording! PLEASE!!!” “AWE MAN! ! IT IS! And I think that other tape had a 2 on it.” Stephen replied. “But how? When did they…? AWE MAN!” Jarred said starring off into the distance as if he was watching a bad dream come to life. “BUB? This is not good.” he said softly. Stephen replied with subtle sarcasm “No kidding Goober-head.” The started to discuss the findings while forgetting the golf ball flowers and can kicking the rest of the way to school. And right in front of the main school entrance was a third destroyed videotape. “That only leaves 2 copies. We’ve gotta go get them.” Stephen said urgently. “We can’t go get them now or we’ll be late.” Jarred countered his suggestion, and then finished there discussion by concluding just which tapes were left and there locations. ‘The BOB’ had found numbers 4, 2 and this last one was number 5. That left 3 and 6, since the first one was a gimme for the girls to destroy after watching it them selves. This was somewhat good news though. Numbers 3 and 6 would be the hardest for the girls to find. 3 was put in 3 consecutive plastic freezer bags, marked “Catfish” and placed inside of the freezer that Jarred’s dad like to call the meat locker. And number 6 was inside of the safe that Stephen’s older brother used as a nightstand. However safe they might be, the boys were NOT going to take any chances. They had to get More copies made. This was life and death. So to speak.

By the giggles and secretive taunts that ‘the BOB’ were tossing at the boys all day, they just new that Suzy Moo Chew had to have had some kind of role in finding them. The girls had been completely unsuccessful at finding any of the copies until Suzanne came to town and joined their Gargirl Group. Only God knew what was going to happen next. Well I know too, but that’s just my Doggy sense. You humans call it your sixth sense. Besides, I am writing telling the story here, aren’t I?

Henry the Dog.

May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 3 ! ! !

Friday May 9th 7:35 am:
“Do you think Suzy Moo Chew is gonna get busted with gum today?” Jarred asked Stephen on their walk to school. “Definitely! I just hope she has to put it on her nose like we had to last week.” He answered. Jarred was kicking a tin can down the street. He had been kicking it for the whole week, to and from school. On Tuesday he gave a short thought to setting a world record, but quickly let it go when Stephen belched ‘Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers’. Stephen was smacking dandelions with a stick like they were golf balls. “Shhhhhhhhmack. And the ball goes long. Oooooo, too bad. Right into a sand trap.” He said commentating each shot. He looked down, planted his feet, wiggled his butt, drew back his club, struck the flower head, followed through, and looked up and…..”Awe man!!! Look!” He said pointing over toward Daniel Street. “Awe Puke-a-zoid!” Jarred acknowledged. “What’s “the BLOB” doing so far out of their way and routine?” Jarred asked shaking his head in wonderment as he pulled his foot back to kick his can again. Stephen answered “Did you forget already? Suzanne joined the club. All their initials add up to monsters, but it spells Trouble for us.” The boys just looked away and continued on toward school.

Friday May 9th 7:43 am:
Little did the boys know, “the BOB” (I like the BLOB better) was making ground coming up from behind. Shhhhhmack and Kick and Shhhhhhmack and Kick and “Hey Boys!” Suzanne said with a shreek in her voice. “We’re on our way to school, so lets do some MATH. Waddaya say?! One Stick plus One Can plus two nose picking sissy boys equallllllls?!? AAAAAAANT, times up. It’s four” The boys looked at Suzanne with the eyes of someone wishing they had a mud pie ready to throw. Suzanne continued “Now four…that would be either your IQ, or the number of times you’ll be divorced before your 30.” GASP! Huh!?! Gasp! gAsP! Everyone gasped. “DIVORCE!?” WHAT? HUH? That word just wasn’t a part of the vocabulary of Gruberville. People just stuck together through the tough times. Not one of the kids standing there could remember anyone getting a divorce since they were born. And it just seemed like a dirty word to most people. “What’d I say?” Suzanne asked shyly, like a fox knocking on the door to the hen house. Nobody said a word. The boys just turned back around and headed to school once again.

Friday May 9th 7:50 am:
Slamming their locker doors simultaneously, the boy’s turn and see Mrs. Stintenhutt heading toward the Principles office. He was a veteran and was going to be a part of today’s history lesson and all the schools up coming activities leading up to the Memorial Day festivities later this month. But now, standing in the door way blocking Stephen and Jarred from getting in, Suzanne started talking real sweet. “You know boys, my dad is having a swimming pool and game room put in at our house. You could come over sometime.” “Really?” Stephen happily asked. “What’s the catch?” Jarred interjected. Stephen tended to be more of the optimist, while Jarred’s pessimistic side usually balanced it out. Good thing too, usually. “There’s no catch. Did you boys see that ugly green dress that Mrs. Stinky…..what is that silly name you funny boys call her?” Finally, someone appreciates their humor. “Stinkybutt!” they replied together. “And that will be two days detention for you two boys.” Mr. Fricklemier said from behind. The boys jumped and jerked around to see their teacher and principle standing right behind them. “We uh,………ya see, Suz uh,….she uh……well she was uh….” The boys stuttered and stammered around their tongues. “That will be enough.” Mrs. Stintenhutt said. The boys turned again to see that Suzanne was long gone and now at her desk sitting ever so quietly with her hands clasped together and a slightly evil grin on her lips. “That Bi….”
“Stephen Myers! You watch your mouth young man.” Stintenhutt interupeted. “But I wasn’t gonna…” he tried to defend. “You two just go sit down at your desks.” She finished. The boys glared at Suzanne as they sat down. ‘The BOB’, that was in the room, all snickered, and the rest al the class just looked dazed and confused. Suzanne had been setting the boys up the whole time. She tricked them, and it wasn’t going to be the last time………

Henry the Dog.

May, A Month of MADAM Mayhem 2 ! ! !

Wednesday May 7th 11:20 am:
The recess bell rang. The kids scattered about putting their books in their desks. Only Suzanne got up from her desk and headed toward the door. She didn’t even look back to see why no one else wasn’t getting up. Everyone else had their hands folded on top of their desks. They just sat there quietly. Just as Suzanne stepped into the hallway, Mrs. Stintenhutt made her request. “Miss Cooper, please return to your seat. We ALL wait until everyone has put away their books before we are dismissed.” Reluctantly, with eyes rolling in their sockets, Suzanne came back in and sat down. Mrs. Stintenhutt turned to erase the board, slowly. It seemed like an eternity to the kids, but it was merely a total of 1 ½ minutes. “You are all dismissed.” she said.

Wednesday May 7th 11:23 am:
The kids from all the other classes were already out in the playground when Mrs. Stintenhutt’s class arrived. Suzanne walked, as elegantly as a sixth grader can walk, over to the picnic tables. Wouldn’t you know she would pick the one table where “the BOB” always sit? She couldn’t pick the one around the corner, sort of hidden behind the large old oak tree. Nope, lil’ miss Suzanne picked the one spot that most everyone knew not to sit at. IT was the table of “the BOB”, and your life would be made miserable if you challenged that. I wasn’t allowed on the playground during school hours, so I sat out side the fence. Puppy Discrimination I think.

Everyone on the playground got real quiet as the girls approached their table. All ears were poised, trying to listen to what was being said. And where was the playground monitor while the battlefield was brewing to explode? She was just around the corner talking with the Lunch Lady about her trip to the beauty salon and how fabulous her new hairstyle was. So while I was forced to sit outside the fence, and was bouncing my eyes back and forth amongst all the potential warriors and innocent by-standers, I could barely keep focus on what was being said, when someone knocked someone else’s purse off of the table. Then suddenly there was a hand grabbing hair, a kick to the ankle, a word or two or ten (who could count that fast) ‘Barrr arr arr arr. Move out of the way. I can’t see.’ I said. Another hand reached for hair and only got sweater, just before another kick, a scratch to the arm, and finally the recess whistle sounded. No…the monitor still didn’t know what was going on, and I wasn’t sure since not one of those bony butts I hollered at would move out of my way. At the sound of the whistle, layer-by-layer of kids fled the fight for the cafeteria entrance.

Wednesday May 7th 12:02 pm:
You could almost hear everyone chewing and swallowing it was so quiet. Stephen and Jarred didn’t even notice the pathetic excuse for a fight outside, or the insufferable quiet at the lunch tables. They were too busy outside burning an ant mound with magnifying glasses, and now they were snorting spaghetti up one nostril and blowing it out the other side. Jarred was a pro at this, and Stephen was fast learning to wipe the sauce off first, then to start snorting. When only one kid at the boy’s table laughed and it kind of echoed in the room, then the boys finally noticed the silence. “Why’s it so quiet in here?” the boys echoed one another. Fast Freddy (nick-named because the boy sometimes seemed to talk at sonic speeds) jumped up from the next table, ran over to the boys, and proceeded to tell them all they missed on the playground. “I’ll bet that Suzanne started the whole thing.” Jarred stated. “Snotty rich kid.” Stephen added. For one small moment in time, the boys felt bad for “the BOB”, and glared over at the table at which Suzanne was now sitting alone. After a 3 minute debate on how to best put Suzy Moo Chew in her place, (Moo Chew was for the way she chewed her gum. Students weren't supposed to have or chew gum at school, but then this was just the beginning of a long line of “Suzanne Cooper, spit out that gum...”) Mindy and Rhonda, “the BOB’s” enforcers, (aka Brutus and Droopy on steroids. Mindy was Brutus, and Rhonda was Droopy O.S.) got up and walked over to Suzanne’s table. “Oh man, here come the fireworks.” Stephen said as he stood up to see more clearly. “Brute and Droop are gonna pulverize her.” Jarred concurred. The Enforcers stood by Suzanne’s table for about a minute speaking so softly that no one else could hear. Then all of the sudden, they sat down, and talked for another 2 minutes and then with faces as calm as could be got up and walked back to “the BOB’s” table. The tension in the room was thicker than the Lunch Ladies mustache. And she needed a wax job BAD. Then with the noise of her lunch tray moving all the heads and eyes of every other kid in the cafeteria turned in unison from watching the enforcers over to Suzanne. She then stood up, grabbed her tray, strutted over to “the BOB’s” table, and just when everyone was anticipating that she would dump her tray on the other girls…she sat down. Tension in the room lifted quickly as all the girls started to whisper and giggle.

Stephen sat back down, and he and Jarred just starred at one another. The look of “What just happened here?” quickly turned into “Oh CRAP! SHE’S JOINED THE BOB!” they said as if in one voice. Many horrifying thoughts flooded the boy’s minds. “That completes “THE WORD”. Jarred said looking fearfully over at Stephen. Stephen spelled out the initials “M.O.N.S.T.E.R. and now S.” Jarred then added “And you know something…there is only one thing worse than Monsters!?!” Stephen smacked his hand to his forehead and said “Monsters with money.” The boys looked over at each other with despair in their eyes. “THE SLUMBER PARTY RECORDINGS!” Jarred said. “They’ll have help and resources to find them now. WE GOTTA MAKE MORE COPIES” “Awe man,” Stephen almost whimpered. “We’ve gotta get busy, or”…they finished the sentence together “WE”RE DOOMED.”

Henry the Dog.

May, A Month of MADAM Mayhem 1 ! ! !

Saturday May 3rd 7:30 am:
A semi tractor-trailer rolls into Gruberville and unloads a museum (though parts looked like they belonged in a mausoleum) load of things into the only mansion in town. The manor sat at the end of Daniel Street. Named for the son of Clem Gruber, the founder of our great little town. This huge house was once a brothel, but only a few of the ole’ timers even remember those days. Mr. and Mrs. Cooper pulled up in their Rolls Royce along with Rochester and Rudolf their Romanian Hairless Prize Winning Cats. To follow, the day after, would be their only child Suzanne. She was twelve going on twenty-one. At least that’s what her attitude reflected. According to her diary she was pretty sure that if she put her mind to it she could snap you in half with just a look. Oh. God bless Gruberville, because a pre-teen form of wickedness has come to town.

Monday May 5th 1:30 pm:
Mrs. Cooper, after a late night on the phone to tell all her friends about this tiny town, awoke around noon to realize she had no time to ready herself for public and decided to send their Butler/Driver Sampson over to the school with the paperwork needed to have Suzanne registered for school. How Motherly of her! “Oh Sampson!” she called with her drawn out, sadly simulated, southern accent.

Tuesday May 6th 8:00 am:
Mr. Cooper and Suzanne (she preferred Suzanne over Sue, or Suzy) walked from the now illegally parked Rolls, to the main office of Gruberville Middle School. “Good Morning! Can I help you:?” asked Miss Johnson the school secretary. Mr. Cooper began “My names is Mr. Cooper, and this is my daugh…..” interrupting Suzanne spews out “I can tell her myself Daddy!” Looking back at Miss Johnson “My name is Suzanne Cooper. I’m twelve years old, and will be attending Mrs. Stintenhutts class. So if you would be so kind as to direct me to my classroom, my father and I will be on our way out of this tiny room you call an office.” Miss Johnson, having worked for an upper class private school for 5 years, just ground her teeth a bit behind her slowly fading smile (wishing she could shove a bar of soap into the teeth of this snot nosed brat and maybe wash away her attitude.), looked at Mr. Cooper and said “Sir, your daughters class is down the hall, turn right at the intersection, and is the third door on the left.” Mr. Cooper smiled kind of apologetically, and said thank you. It wasn’t he who had brought the young child into the highest level of SNOB. That was Mrs. Cooper and her twin sister Clair. Anyway, Miss Johnson heard little Suzanne say “Isn’t it quaint Daddy? She things that she needs to point, to give directions. Polite must not be in her vocabulary.” It was all Miss Johnson could do to keep her hand from grabbing the principles paddle and then jumping over the counter to apply the board of education to the seat of knowledge. Mr. Cooper placed his hand on the small of Suzanne’s back and gently guided her out into the hall.

Suzanne opened the door, walked right in and up to the teachers desk, and interrupted the lesson and announced the who, what, when, and where of her existence. Speaking quickly and enunciating nearly every word, she left nothing but the skeleton in the family closet out. The skeleton was actually from a Professorship, that Mr. Cooper held at a prestigious college. For a moment there, but only a moment, Suzanne (as always) thought that she was in total control of everything and everyone. She had a way about her that seemed to command sometimes. Well, that’s what she thought. The other kids in the class were silent and sat thinking that she was just a spoiled rotten brat, that needed placed over someones knee to have that educational knowledge implanted. Mrs. Stintenhutt promptly stepped from the chalkboard over next to Suzanne and said “Are you are quite finished young lady?” “Yes I am.” was the reply. “They you can walk yourself out of my class room, quietly closing the door behind you. You will then stand out in the hallway for 5 minutes giving thought to how incredibly rude you just were disrupting my class and stealing time from myself and my students with your nonsense. Then you may Knock on my classroom door, and wait for me to either open it or grant you permission to come in. Am I being understood Miss Cooper?” Shocked and amazed at Mrs. Stintenhutt’s remarks, poise, and articulation, a now trimmed down attitude answered “Yes Ma’am.” It was pretty much the only record of someone truly putting lil miss Suzanne in her proper place of humility at school. She eventually would have most of the faculty wrapped around her little finger with the potential of Daddy making donations to the school.

And May, continues…
Henry

Revenge at its Sweetest. The final chapter.

That next Monday, it took nearly all the money they had left to by the blanks needed to make copies of their recording of The BOB's slumber party. Friday they had already spent several dollars on batteries for their flash lights, and some more baseball cards. But it was so worth the price. T he boys needed to use grandma Meyers recorder to plug the camera into, to make the copies. But they would have to wait 3 more days. Monday was craft day at Grandmas house. All her friends would come over to create wonderful items for the County Fair competitions coming in the summer. Tuesday's were for cleaning, cooking, baking, and what Gram called 'muttering around the house day'. They couldn't be making copies with her right there. She'd have shut down Operation The BOB is Busted immediately. Wednesday was club day for practically everyone in town. Be it Boy Scouts, Awanas, the clubs at Church, or the women's and men's circles for charity. There was always something busy going on. That just left Thursday.

On Thursday, Grandma would be out grocery shopping and getting her hair done, so the boys offered to clean out the news papers and other junk from the basement giving them time and access to complete their Operation. Gram Meyers knew there was something up. She had a nose for these kinds of things. But this didn't smell like REALLY big trouble, so the boys got what they needed, and she got her basement cleaned out. Good trade she thought. And if they did a good job, Gram would later bake some cookies to say thank you. The waiting for each copy to be done was the hardest part for the boys. Neither one felt any comfort until they had made the first two. Just one recording could be destroyed too easily. Two copies meant there was more of a chance for one boy to escape to safety should the other get ambushed.

Coincidentally, at the time that the boys finished bringing all the garbage from the basement to the curb, the last copy was finished, and Gram Meyers was pulling in the drive. As Gram checked the mail box and backed into her parking spot, the boys raced back to grab their recordings, toss 'em in the back-pack, and unhook all the equipment. They ran back out side to help carry in the groceries, while Gram inspected the basement. Grandma Meyers was well pleased with the work that Stephen and Jarred had done. She offered to make them lunch, but they were too excited to eat. They had to get back to the club house. There was much planning to do with the now 6 copies of the Slumber Party Recording. Stephen had mentioned, early on, that as soon as they showed the first copy to the girls that it would surely be destroyed, but they had 5 others that would be hidden in strategic places around the neighborhood. Yes Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls, Operation The BOB is Busted, was not just a plan for revenge, but was also a plan for potential Blackmail, and future protection from the BOB.

The boys could only gather 3 of the "BOB" members to come to the show, and the looks on their faces was well worth the danger of dealing with more than a 2 on 2 situation. Just before Stephen pushed play, Jarred made a speech about the other 5 copies, and that demands were not being made at this point and time. "However, you girls will want to quickly spread our good news to the other Gar-girls. We would hate for there to be any misunderstood rumors floating around." he finished. Stephen pushed play. The girls immediately started to bombard the boys with "You Pigs" "I'll kill you." Sandy said. "How dare y..." was cut off as Stephen pressed fast forward ( 'FF' )to the main attractions. The girls were now watching themselves dancing around, just like what they thought the high school cheerleaders would do during practice. They had no idea and just made it up as they went along. But it was definitely dance moves far too mature for these young girls to be mimicking.  The picture on the TV screen was not a pretty one, but it had to be done. Rrrruff! (Shameful! All you girls, just shameful! Guess I told them.) 'FFwd' Next came the scene where the girls would tell what boy they liked and what personal item they would give up just to get one kiss from him. 'FFwd' Then came the round of "Truth or Dare". Olla was the only one to take a Dare, and all Nancy could think to say, on such short notice, was to put one corn puff up each nostril. And Fast Forward, one last time, to the piece of resistance'....... The boys weren't sure what it was at the time of the party, because the camera eye piece got fogged up, and they weren't paying attention to the details as they were getting a bit bored waiting in the laundry room. Then, when they saw it for the first time, their eyes got just as big as the girls eyes were now. Sandy was handing out cigar halves for all the girls to try. "My dad won't know cause he smokes 'em down here all the time. And he thinks that Jarred has been sneeking them." She said. Then....Rhonda turned 3 shades of green on her first puff. Tammy threw up into the potato chips bowl, which made Elly get sick and make a mad dash for the bathroom two stories up. And Sandy, in all her pomp and circumstance, being the gracious host that she was, paniced and dropped her cigar half on her sleeping bag. That will be a hard burn mark to explain.

The girls faces turned red out of guilt and fear. The boys were still red do to embarrassment of watching (what they would later call) "The dance of the Flat Chested." Yeah, I know. Boys can be stupid sometimes. But back to the dumb things the girls got busted doing. "busted" Stephen whispered. "Busted." said Jarred. "BUSTED!" they both shouted. Stephen jumped in before any of the 3 girls could say anything "Our demands are going to be just as simple as it was to get this scary horror picture recorded." Sandy tried to speak "But how did you..." "Uh uh uh!" Jarred interrupted. "Continue Comrade." Stephen smiled, clasped his hands behind his back, and began to pace back and forth, like a General in some war movie they had recently watched. "For now, just know that it is going to cost you girls...er uh...Ladies allot, to either buy or earn the 6 copies we have placed in secured locations around town. You may have the first copy to share with the other "BOOB" members." Jarred snickered, and Sandy sneered at him. Stephen finished his speech. "In the event that you should capture and kill us both, not only will Henry eventually find and dig up one or two of the copies and bring them to your mom Sandy, just like he does with some bones and that shoe of yours. Good boy Henry." He reached down and scratched me under my chin. I do like that. "But our instructions on where to find the other copies, will surface for all four parents, if we go missing for too long." Jarred cleared his throat and stepped up next to Stephen. "We will begin with ....um....(the boys whispered to one another) .....oh yeah, we want 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies. Home made, NO nuts...NO POISON!  Other demands will follow. You are now free to go." he finished. Then Stephen reiterated "And remember, if there is any funny business, of any kind, we are pretty sure that the 7 members of the BOB will not only be disassembled, but most likely will be grounded until they are each 18." The boys started to walk away, but paused for a minute, turned and said at the same time "Thanks for playing our game. If you are wondering why, the only clue we will give is GOATS. And in case you have forgotten what we looked like in our birthday suites......." and they mooned the girls.
Yeah, even to a dog a boys shiney hiney is just wrong.  They are weird boys, but their my weird boys. 
Henry the Dog.

To quote a Bunny...

For as long as I can remember I have always loved Bugs Bunny. My favorites are the older toons, with the younger Bugs, just after he lost the yellow gloves, and the tips on his ears. Truly one of the greatest characters ever created. The attitude, the stubbornness, and the wrong turns at Albuquerque. Bugs emphasises all that we sometimes wish we could be. Free willed, free thinking, and free to do just about anything to make sure the bad guy doesn't get away with what ever bad thing he may be trying to do. Bugs is a "moment in time" kind of guy. Lives in the moment, doesn't take it lying down, and really loves to live.

So, as I do one of my monthly rituals of Google Imaging different people, places, and things. Yeah mostly Nouns. (Once in a while a verb.) I came across another Blog that had many Bugs Bunny Quotes "Great Sayings" . This is a really cool blog. It has tons of quotes from many sorces. It brought back many good memories. I still love to watch cartoons. Probably always will. This Blog had several other character quotes too. Another of my Fav's Spiderman. Definitely worth a visit.

To quote a Cali Friend of mine......"Peace, Love, and Granola!"
That's all Folks.

Sweet sweet REVENGE, Part 4

With cucumbers on their eyes, and their top 40 radio station blasting their favorite song of the week, while the gar-girls were singing so far out of tune they were almost back in (tune), they were very much unaware of the boys slipping in right under their snooty noses. Jarred stopped for a brief moment to do his hairy chicken leg dance in front Tammy, who's mother wouldn't let her start shaving for another 4 months. Stephen turned back to see the movement his peripheral vision caught of Jarred, and nearly dropped the tripod he was carrying. Silently he mouthed "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Leaning her head back, Rhonda pulled her legs up and crossed the into a pretzel, while Mindy's pinky finger reached up to scratch the drying facial cream on her nose. So the boys shifted it into high gear and headed into the laundry room. Once the sliding door to the back room was closed after them, both boys let out a sigh of relief that the girls didn't hear. The boys got to work.

The boys put their flash lights to work, after earlier covering most of the lens with tape to hide most of the light. Had they used the light in the laundry room the girls would have seen it shining through the crack in the door. The girls had exceptional attention to detail, and that would have been something they noticed quickly. Just as the DJ announced the next song, playing and all the girls screamed with excitement because they loved that song too, Stephen backed into one of Mrs. Crows wooden apple crates that she kept for empty bleach bottle storage, stumbled forward, and knocked of the tripod he had just set up. CRASH! ! The boys looked at each other with deadly fear filled eyes and just froze. In what seemed like an eternity of anticipation, 30 seconds passed with the girls all bellowing out nearly all the lyrics to the song playing, and the boys could now let their hearts start beating again. Using their sleeves to wipe the dripping sweat from their brows before it could get in their eyes, the boys so gently moved the crate and picked up the tripod. They moved everything else that was within reach, so as not to knock anything else down.

Jarred plugged in the extension cord, while Stephen set up the camera. There was a hole in the wall between the laundry and rumpus rooms that used to have a water pipe going through it. Mr. Crow just hadn't gotten around to patching it up yet. The hole was just big enough to get picture and by coincidence there wasn't any direct light shining toward it that would reflect off of the lens. They would have to take turns looking through the lens to see what was going on. "DARN!" Jarred whispered. "the tripod isn't high enough, and we forgot to consider that they might hear the noise the camera is going to make when they turn the music down." "Oh Cra..." Stephen started to say, and then he just smiled. He lowered the tripod, which made Jarred start to look panicked. He then grabbed two of the apple crates and set the camera on them. One other small adjustment and dun-da-da-da! Perfect height. Then he leaned in toward Jarred and said "We have two good sources of noise cover up. The refrigerator, and the dehumidifier. That will be plenty of noise along with the jabber jaws of The BOB." The boys both mimicked rapid mouth movements, and snickered under their breath.

Operation "The BOB is Busted" began. Because they could only watch one at a time, they would have to watch the video again later. The camera caught every thing from the ping pong table over to the edge of the couch. The only person partly out of shot was Elly, and that was not a problem to the boys. Because later, what the camera did catch, even if the boys were caught trying to escape, they had first stowed the recorded events in the one place the girls would never think to look or ever even touch. The Crow boys box of sports gear. And there could be jock straps in that box. At that point even torture from the girls would be a small price to pay for the gold mine they had just witnessed.

The boys had footage of the girls from about 8:30 pm thru 12:30 am, when the girls went up to peer out the window. There was only a total of three hours of recordings. Olla had once been day dreaming and staring off at the wall, and Jarred thought for sure that she had been looking right at him. He got scared and turned off the camera. And the other missing time came when the boys didn't realize that it was in monitor mode instead of record. So they packed up their gear, and headed up the stairs. Then, just when they got to the landing where the side door lead out to the driveway, they heard footsteps approaching. Quickly Jarred opened and shoved Stephen and himself into the utility/boot closet just next to the door. It was cramped, but this was life and death. Jarred looked at Stephen, sniffed, curled his nose and moaned quietly from the smell. Stephen just gave half a smile and blushed. As the air cleared, the girls were settling back into the basement just out of sight of the closet. The boys crept gently back up to the second floor, out the window, and back across the rope. Step one of the Operation was complete.

To be once more, continued...

Sweet sweet REVENGE, Part 3

The Crow family rumpus room had everything that most kids could want and more. Especially on those middle of winter, blizzard type, days. They had a Ping-pong and Foosball tables, two giant stow-a-bed couches, 4 or 5 bean bags, a refrigerator full of every kind of snack, and a pretty cool entertainment system for family movie night. The Crows had two folding card tables that doubled for board and card games, as well as science project stations. Off in the corner of the mostly wide open space was Mrs. Crows sewing machine and personal craft station. Mr. Crow had the garage for his hobbies. He was always ready to accept a challenge to his Championship title of KING OF THE PING PONG TABLE. Over by the fridge was a heavy duty two tub concrete wash basin. The Crow Boys had a few lessons on hand washing some abused socks and jeans in that tub. Mr. Crow believed boys would be boys, but there was no excuse for running out side with only socks on. Next to that was the laundry chute box. The chute went all the way up into the 2nd floor bathroom, where when you undressed to get your shower you would drop your clothes down to the basement. Since the laundry room was in the far back corner, Mr. Crow put wheels on the chute box. For their plan to be a success, the boys would need to sneak in and out of the laundry room with out being noticed.

Sandy had spent a few hours down in the basement, preparing for her guests. And several more up in the kitchen getting snacks ready. It drove the boys nuts trying to get down there with no success. It was like Sandy had radar focused on anyone who came near her parties. After hearing just one of the stairs, leading down to the rumpus room, squeak, she poised a fist and swung , luckily missing Mr. Crow coming down to change a light bulb. “I thought it was one of the boys coming to make a mess Daddy.” She said with her pouty bottom lip protruding ever so slyfully. Dad knew the pouty lip was fake and for gave the attempt anyway. “It’s okay princess.” He answered. She didn’t particularly like that nickname very much.

Through out an agonizing day of anticipation and anxiousness, the boys would find out that there would be but two chances to get in and out of the laundry room. Since no-one at the parties really talked all that much, the boys would have to rely on rumors for accurate time lines. And now, if rumors were true, and Sandy stuck to her regular agenda, the opportunities would include when the girls would start their “beauty regiment”. The music would be on high, organic facial mask applied on thick, and with heads tilted back, cucumbers placed on their eyes for 25 minutes. At this time the boys, could get in. (Food?!? They were putting food ON their faces instead of IN their faces. People are so strange.) The chance to get out would be during the time when the girls all went upstairs, at 12:30 sharp, to peek out of the big picture window in the front room, to see Mark Thompson come home from late night classes. Mark would come home, sit on the porch playing his acoustic guitar, and just unwind his mind. He was 23 years old and these “pre” and teen girls just thought that he was the coolest, cutest, and most handsome man alive. He was known in the neighborhood as the bad boy with the great smile. And the only reason he had the bad label attached was because his motorcycle was a bit to loud for the older folks. Other than the bike noise Mark was a model citizen, extra kind to the widows in need of house work, and more than generous with his time at both the kids shelter in the next town, and Grubervilles retirement home. At night he was studying to get his degree to be some kind of engineer. Anyway, all the googling and giggling that the girls would be doing would give ample time for the boys to escape from the paroles of having forced themselves to observe a girls sleep-over.

So the windows of opportunity were set, the equipment was ready, the boys were as anxious as a dog in a butcher shop, and there was nothing left to do but wait. So the boys decided that they would lay on club house roof and watch the clouds go by. And for only a moment, while they watched the evening sky reflect shades of orange, and red, and violet, did they loose track of time because they started to day-dream about the girls they both liked. But when they heard the undeniably recognizable sound of the girls screeching their hellos, they were brought straight away back to earth. “It’s time to implement Operation ‘T-B-I-B ‘. “ Stephen said. “Huh?!?” Jarred asked. “You know!” Stephen barked back. “Oh, yeah, Like Duh!” Jarred barked himself. ‘. “ Stephen said. “Huh?!?” Jarred asked. “You know!” Stephen barked back. “Oh, yeah, Like Duh!” Jarred barked himself. Did you notice? All I can say is PUH_LEEZ. The boys Barking!? If that was barking, they need to work on their accent, cause I didn’t understand a word. Funny though, I do tend to understand them a lot more when there is food involved.

Jarred handed Stephen a walkie talkie. “What’s this for?” he asked. Jarred dramatically looked around to see if anyone was listening. “In case we get separated and captured and need to call for help.” Stephen then moved in closer toward Jarred and said “Good idea comrade. You know the enemy as well as I do, and you know the kinds of torture they can inflict when they wanna know something.”

Well…this wasn’t all out war and the enemy was only the girls, but their brand of torture was not to be discounted or underestimated. In its own way it could make the kinds of torture that the boys saw in old war movies seem like a day fishing at the pond, which was the whole reason for the Operation. The girls have been known for holding a boy down and stuffing pudding up his nose. If they suspected that some boy had information that they wanted, they would gang wedgie him. And in cases where there was all out war, they have even gone to Defcon levels. In level 1 they would tickle some kid until he either gave up the information or wet himself. Level 2 was the 30 second make-over with lipstick, blush, and eye shadow. Level 3 was the 30 minute makeover (Stephen’s little brother James knew all about that. Once caught in the cross fire, he was tortured with mascara, lipstick, eye shadow, blush, hairpins, nail polish, and threats of Defcon 4) Defcon level 4 was a combination of levels 1 and 3, but with pictures taken for future blackmail. To this day, when ever cornered by 3 or more from the girls club, James has to recite the Pledge of “The BOB”. And he better not mess it up. “I pledge allegiance to Miss America, and all her beauty secrets. I will stand tall, and pretty, and walk with a delicate stride. In public or in private I will always present myself as a lady, crossing my legs when I sit, sipping not slurping, and always with my bosom’s held high.” Few of the BOB had even a bump that could be misinterpreted as bosom’s, but that was their pledge.

“Just trying to be ready for anything.” Jarred said while he squeezed the talkie button. “Testing, testing. 1-2-3.” And they started across the rope………………

to be continued…

Sweet sweet REVENGE. Part 2

The boys were excited that afternoon. They could hardly wait until the sun went down that night. As dusk started to fall they also began to count off their mission supplies. Stephen read from the list they made earlier (Which would later be shredded and each boy would eat his half to destroy incriminating evidence.) and Jarred would find the item and say ‘Check’ to confirm the items presence. “Head band flash lights” “CHECK”, “Gloves” “CHECK” “Extension cord.” “CHECK”, “Tripod” “CHECK”, “Video Camera” “CHECK” “And if anything happens to it, we’re both DEAD!” Stephen added. “And I had to make a promise to my grandma that included a ‘if anything happens to her video camera we will do every dirty job she wants done for the next 3 months…after our butts heal’ clause.” “Ahhh, it’ll be alright.” Jarred said “Don’t let your big goober head be worried about it. Is there a remote control for it?” “CHECK! Uh, I mean yeah.” Stephen answered. They both had on their most silent sneekers on. They brought their darkest clothes, and even found the matching ski masks they got for Christmas, but would have to turn them inside out to hide the yellow stripes.

It’s the night of “REVENGE”. Well, so to speak. Revenge comes in so many forms. You definitely have to make your choices wisely, and this one…this was a pretty wise choice. Especially for the boys. As night drew closer (sounds like a horror story doesn’t it? But the horror comes later. The things I saw. Whew, I wanted to go outside and eat some grass just to make me barf.) Anyway, like I was saying, as night drew closer, emotions seemed to grow more intense for all of us.

You see, the girls only had this kind of slumber party twice a year. It was an all out make-over, clothes swapping, hair doing, and Nobody really knew what else kind of night, because the girls never talked about it afterwards. Mr. and Mrs. Crow would only allow the girls to have such a get-together down in the basement rompus room, so that there was at least one full “empty” floor of house between the girls and their bedroom. “Too much of that cackling.” Mr. Crow would say under his breath, so as not to offend his little girl. And the giggling about boys, and the screaming at the scary movie, and the….well God only knows what else goes on down there.

Even though the girls were confined to the rumpus room in the basement, for the night, the boys of the house still had to find accommodations elsewhere. Mr. Crow insisted on decency in his home, and since the girls would be in their nighties and their dads oversized t-shirts, and since there would be bathroom visits throughout the night, he said that he would not have any peep shows in his hallway. What about Mr. Crow being in the house, you ask? Well, this was a Friday night. The Mr. and Mrs. would always go bowling every other Friday, come home late around 2am, and sleep till nearly 11am. So chances of an encounter were very slim. And the worse that could happen was one of the girls (which Mr. Crow treated them all like his baby girl Sandy) might see him in his boxers and t-shirt. And most of them have seen that already, and came back making comments about being sure they just saw their own dad in the hallway. However there were the few occasions when the girls were up real late, and very slap happy, and would say “My husband is gonna be just like your dad Sandy.” Mr. Crow is a healthy, happy, and handsome man. Most women get caught taking a second glance. Anyway, with these restrictions, it would be hard for the boys to implement their plan but then they are The Boys. Again, the plan was simple, but the results would be devastating if Operation “The BOB is BUSTED” goes well.

to be continued.

Dash of Time.

When we tally our time
Slower it grinds
To a halt it would seem now and then.
When our minds are care free
Time flies in full speed
Left wondering are we where it’s been.

Of course we all know
A boil will not grow
From the pot we now watch with intent
If the Boil is to roll
Then ones eyes must stroll
Onto other tasks without resent

If you think 'Come what may'
Then soon may you say,
Time has no hold on my form.
But look close in the mirror
The facts now are clearer
Times been holding you since you were born.

Not to worry, nor fret
Times not for regret
But a dash between dates on a stone.
How we spent it, says much
Of the lives we did touch
Or the roads we did travel alone.

Ray Winkleman. ©2007

Sweet sweet REVENGE. Part 1

"No, no! We should spray them with shaving cream and shave their heads with my dads rusty razor." Jarred said. "Oooooh Noooo, that would be to nice for them. When they change for gym class, we should put Vaseline in their shoes, itching powder in their clothes, and start a rumor about them having bugs. That'd teach 'em!" Stephen said. They went on for hours about what they might do to enact their revenge. They had earlier just started out up in the tree house comparing their baseball card collections, but soon began an all out brain scramble for the most exciting, most bizarre, most revealing, funniest and strange plan to date.

'bite their ankles, BITE Their Ankles!' Oooooo, I got it. Hike your leg and pee on their pillows. Bark and Bite 'em. Bark and bite 'em.' I tried to offer a few suggestions, but the boys just kept ignoring me. I always contribute {errrRuh Ruh} they just don't listen. Anyway, they finally decided on a plan that made all their other plans look silly. The only problem was...how were they going to convince the girls to go skinny dipping themselves. This was after all, supposed to be pay back for The BOB bringing the Grishums goats to the pond to eat the boys clothes and tent. The plan just had to be flawless. The girls would have to think that it was their own idea and each one would have to be convinced to play their own individual roles precisely as planned. If they could only get Olla to start the ball rolling then the others might follow...........NAW, it'll never work. Girls change their minds more often than they change their clothes, and these girls were too suspicious when either of the boys happened to talk to them in a nonviolent way. Well, so much for dyeing the pond green and all the girls along with it. I have to admit though, I do get excited when the boys concoct some of their plans.

Back and forth, between the boys, the ideas came pouring out like milk from a nose. Quick and hilarious. Jarred said "Squirt 'em with paint in art class just before it is time to go in front of the camera on picture day." Then Stephen offered, " Tape thumb tacks to the swings that The BOB claim as their own on the playground." then back "Ooo, we should catch snakes and frogs, and a ton of bugs and stick them in their desks." and forth " On Friday, we could get Chalkboard Eraser Clapping Duty, and then after rig up some rotten eggs to SPLAT 'em when they open their desks on Monday." The ideas went on and on, and most of them were very good and funny. They all had One MAJOR FLAW though....the boys would be first on the list of suspects, and the evidence would be so incriminating that even a blind detective could tell the boys were involved. "*#$% @#%$" Stephen said out loud. Jarred's mouth dropped open and his eyes were as big as silver dollars. "Shhhhhhhhh." he said looking and listening to see if anyone heard. "You want another mouth full of soap this week, you goober?" They both sat silent for a minute waiting fearfully and anxiously for someone to call out his First, Middle, and Last name, which meant BIG Trouble. But...a minute passed by, and they were right back at trying to come up with the right plan.

This kind of revenge requires one of two things: 1) months of planning, use of both the boys saved weekly allowances (which they both just got back after a month of paying for 2 broken windows at the Myers house.) potential permanent grounding for life, and total humiliation if it failed (and to the boys this would all be worth it for the chance to get even, despite having heard Grandma Myers repeat the bible verse that says that revenge belongs to God.)......or 2) a short plan, with immediate and all out destructive consequences for everyone. (the debate is still out on this one.)

The plan would end up a simple one. Not too much danger, not too much punishment if caught and convicted, and only humiliation for the girls if it even only worked a little bit. Sandy, Jarred's sister, was going to have another of her sleep-overs, which meant Jarred would have to leave the house. So the boys, in there young wisdom worked it out to sleep in the back yard up in the club house. They promised to use the bathroom before heading out, and thereby wouldn't need to use it all night. And that meant that there was a lesser chance of getting convicted, having the alibi "We were in the club house all night". What Jarred's parents didn't know was that sometimes Jarred would sneak out of his room to go watch some late night TV on that little black and white his older brother forgot that they borrowed. Mr. Crow tied a thick rope from the tree house to the back of their home. He knew that the when there were strong southern winds that the tree creeked, and wanted to make sure that if the winds kicked up, that it wouldn't take the boys on a short trip to the ground. Anyway, if Jarred could sneak OUT, it was only logical that he could sneak in to implement the plan. Jarred would just have to teach Stephen how to shimmy across that rope with out falling. All this added up to the boys being able to get in and out of the house to deploy the plan which now had a name. "Operation.........

To be continued.

Chapter 27 of: The never ending, ever so boring story.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. They say you can not lie.
Reflecting us one and all, I say you do, here's why.
Everything I see in you, repeats of what I know.
But is it really all that true, like a magic show?
I wink my left, you your right, if I were over there.
Criss-cross and bounce from the light, shined on your silver glare.
Opposite is the key word, that makes you true or not.
Like yin and yang that have been stirred inside a boiling pot.
So I will give you part of truth, and part of lie as well.
As I continue brushing tooth, avoiding morning smell.
Now I go my way, and you yours, until we meet again.
When I come back to clean my pores, the zits seem never end.
And when I'm in need and I run, to you in hurried rut.
Help me look good, and don't make fun, or I'll break your silver butt."

Stephen bowed, smiled, and winked at the little red haired girl in the back of the class. She wasn't interested in his wink, but did find his poem amusing. It was poetry week, and all the kids had to write their own, and recite it in front of the whole class. By the stuttering and wet arm pits, you could really tell who was nervous. And Jarred, mostly dry, was up next. What Jarred lacked in public showmanship, he made up for in clever writing. Mrs. Stintenhutt (aka Mrs. Stinky Butt - the boys claimed that one day she farted for an hour after lunch time) would always tell Jarred about his potential for becoming a great writer. Mean while, due only to the fact that 90% of his involvement with the boys was seeing them in his office for discipline, Mr. Fricklemier (Pickle Buyer - like you didn't see that one coming) would tell Jarred about his potential criminal record if he didn't "Straighten up and flight right".

Jarred walked up to the front of the class and just stood there for a minute. "Go ahead Jarred." Mrs. Stintenhutt said. Jarred cleared his throat pointing at it and said "FROG". No laughter. 'Oh Great!' he thought. 'so this is where I die of humiliation'.

Jarred began...
"Far and away, looking back now,
it was the moon that jumped over the cow.
Rhymes of the nursery, by Mother Goose.
The rhyming was easy, the meanings obtuse.
Ring around the Rosy, about a death black.
And a Baa-ing black sheep, about income tax.
Humpty the egg? no! A cannon so grand.
And Tinker Taylor, the fortune of a man.
Yes far and away, look back now and then
But keep 'em going forward, teaching kids again"

Everyone of his class mates, including Stephen, just stared at him. Mrs. Stintenhutt had already planned to submit that poem to her the local college annual poetry contest.  She couldn't wait to see their faces when they heard the unknown poet was twelve years old.  She felt Jarred was years beyond his peers when he put his mind down on paper. The class...they just didn't get it.

Brrrrrriinnnnnng, the bell rang...books, pencils and kids were all moving rapidly. Giggles and whispers filled the room. Tap - Tap - Tap - Tap...WHAP went the yard stick on the desk. "SETTLE!" from the front of the room, was enunciated with sharp precision. "I dismiss this class. Not the Bell." the teacher proclaimed, for the 72nd time this year. Movement stopped, and all hands were clasped together and centered on each desk. "We will finish poetry week tomorrow, followed by a quiz on Friday." "awwwwww!" the class groaned. "Class dismissed."