May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 5 ! ! !

Wednesday, May 14th 11:33 am”
During recess over at the picnic table that no one else dared to congregate, sat MONSTERS. Mindy, Olla, Nancy, Sandy (Jarred’s sis), Tammy Ellie, Rhonda, and newest member of ‘the BOB’ Suzanne. What a sight they were. It’s Wednesday, and that means that the Gar-girls are color coordinated today. Yeah, I know. Thank God us dogs are color blind. So obviously I can only tell you this, second hand. Well…second paw. Anyway, Blue was the color of the day. So there was a sea of several shades of it over by the tables. Blue, Navy, Sky, China, Cobalt, Sapphire, and Cerulean. And that was just the skirts and blouses. The socks, jewelry, and hair accessories came in Aqua, Azure, Indigo, and of course “Mark Thompson Blue” (the same shade as his eyes). Girls are so weird. Now Suzanne, having Mommy dearest taker her shopping, had to have the best of the best. There wasn’t much jealousy coming from the rest of the girls, just a comment now and then when Suzanne would go on and on about where the outfit came from and the outrageous cost. All said this was usually considered a safe day on the playground because ‘the BOB’ didn’t want to mess up their outfits or to ruin what Sandy called the “Color Atmosphere” that they created. Ooooookay then.

11:42 am:
In one gentle swift movement, almost synchronized, ‘the BOB’ got up from their table and headed into the playground. From the far side of the grounds, hidden behind a giant Lilac bush, Stephen and Jarred could see the BLOB moving from kid to kid. They would surround him or her in a tight circle, almost hover there like vultures for a minute and then leave. For 15 minutes this went on, all the while Suzanne was clutching her precious blue purse close to her body. Then off to the east end of the grounds Jarred noticed a blur of sorts coming their way. It dodged in and out of every possible crevice and hiding place the boys were known to hide. “Hey. Look over there.” Jarred pointed. “Who is that?” Stephen asked. “I think its Fast Freddy.” “Who?” he inquired again. “You know! Fred!? Uh…I can’t remember his last name. You know…the kid that talks a hundred miles an hour. I think he’s in the other 5th grade class.” Jarred ended. “Oh yah. What’s he doing darting around like a fugitive?” Stephen inquired. “I think he’s looking for us?” Jarred answered raising an eyebrow.

11:44 am:
“Jarred! Stephen!” Fred said almost out of breath. “You guys gotta hear this.” Fred took a deep breath……………and then like rapid fire……….
“TheBOBisaskingalotofquiestionaboutyouguysandsomekindofvideotapes.” Deep breathe…”Theyarethreateningeveryonethatiftheydon’ttellwhattheyknowthattheywillstriptheboysdowntotheirunderwareandgivethegirlsablackeyeorfakehickyandtelleveryoneitisreal.” Breath… “Suzanneisofferingarewardforinformationleadingtotheposessionandproofofdestructionofanyandallsaidtapes. Whatarethetapestheyaretalkingaboutandwhydotheywantthem? AreyouguyssomekindofjuniorFBIagents? CanIjoin? CanIhelp? I’llbeagoodspy! I’llgotomydeathbeforeItalk!” Right! Go to his death before talking? Fast Freddy couldn’t stop talking if his life depended on it. Often his teacher has come over to his desk and squeezed his shoulder or gave his desk a tap with a yardstick to stop him from talking him self-unconscious. Breathe Fred BREATHE. Anyway, what is it with teachers and yardsticks? “Fast Freddy?! Er, uh I mean Fred. FRED.” Stephen interrupted him putting his finger to his mouth. “Shhhhh. Actually we are CIA. Youth Division.” Jarred held back a giggle. “Yah, and we’ll let you know if you can join later. But right now, you need to go so we can call head quarters on our secret hidden phones.” Fred darted out and back towards the other end of the playground, doing all he could to avoid being seen by ‘the BOB’. “Secret Phones?” Stephen chuckled. “Yah well, ya know. Had to say something!” Jarred replied back. Stephen gave Jarred a punch in the arm and said. “Good one, Goober-head.” Jarred cringed for a second and punched him back. “Ow, you Goober-doofis.” They both just rolled their eyes and shook their heads.

11:52 am:
Watching ‘the BOB’ get closer to their position, the boys made ready some dirt balls to throw just in case. The girls had finished threatening most of the kids on the playground, and were now heading toward the boys location. “Get ready!” they both said under their breath. “Stephen? Jarred?” Sandy called out to them in a seemingly non-threatening way. “What do you Gar-girls want?” Jarred questioned back. “We just wanna talk for a minute.” Suzanne said softly, while reaching into her purse. The boys took flanks, and exited the bush from either side. Poised and ready for battle, they each had two compacted dirtballs, loaded with worms, ready for action. “What is it? What do you want?” the girls heard them say, now in stereo. “I was just showing everyone the new pen my Daddy bought me.” She said pulling out a fancy calligraphy pen; with one of those handles you pull back to suck the ink up into it. “WOW! That’s pretty cool.” Jarred shot out quickly, dropping one of his dirt grenades. Stephen, now standing next to him, elbowed his side, to try and warm him of the oncoming danger. Suzanne continued. “It’s real expensive, and it has this ejection slide to squirt out the excess ink when you are done writing.” Just then she pulled back the slide and squirted ink all over the boys shirts. They both looked down at their now black ink stained shirts, looked at each other with some wide-eyed disbelief, and then looked back at Suzanne. “You JERK.” Stephen shouted, and slung a dirt ball right into the center of Suzanne’s blue and white blouse. “You Rotten Rich Brat. Who do you think you are?” Jarred said just before smashing his remaining grenade right on Suzanne’s head. Suzanne dropped to the ground and started crying. It didn’t take long for the playground monitor to hear her exaggerated cries and come running to investigate. “What have YOU boys done this time?” She asked. The boys, in full-blown panic mode, started explaining, trading sentences back and forth, beginning with Stephen. “We only fought back.” “She squirted ink on us.“ Yah, Suzanne started it.” “That’s right. She and this mob have been harassing everyone on the playground.” “Tell her about the ink.” “Fred said that all these girls were stirring up trouble and threatening other kids.” “And then she comes over here and shoots ink all over our shirts.” “So then Suzy Moo, I mean Suzanne, starts her crying like a baby and…” The monitor interrupts. “ Wait wait wait wait. Calm down now. What are you boys talking about? Squirting Ink?!? What? Where is this ink you keep shouting about?” The boys look down at their shirts again…and …Nothing. There was no stain, no mark, no ink, nothing. Nada, zip, zilch, zero. “But….but there was…..there was…..” They both just stuttered about for a few seconds. Grabbing one ear in each of her hands, Ms. Kappral lead the boys off to the principles office. Catching just glimpses, the boys saw Suzanne jump up, take a bow to the other girls, wipe off her blouse, and blow a kiss toward the boys.

Disappearing Ink. The boys had only ever heard of the stuff. They never dreamed that it actually existed. It was the only conclusion that they could come up with. That sneaky, low down, rotten, so and so Suzanne. She set them up. She gambled every step, and predicted exactly what they boys would do. Now in the clubhouse, the boys were discussing her cunning and wit, but they refused to grant her ‘Worthy Adversary’ notoriety. 2 weeks of eraser clapping detention, and after 2 swats each from their dads, the boys found them selves plotting careful retaliation. "That Suzanne. Grrrrr." Hey, I'm the Dog, I'll do the growling around here. You two just be boys and keep her

Henry the Dog