May, a month of MADAM Mayhem 6 ! ! !

Thursday, May 22nd , 2:53 pm:

The past week had been pretty quiet. The boys had to dip into their own lil bank accounts to pay for the dry cleaning on little miss Suzanne’s blouse. “Just let me pound it on a rock for a while. That’ll clean it.” Jarred suggested. “Well her head’s as hard as a rock.” Stephen chuckled back. The boys were on their way home from school. They were avoiding every single crack that came their way. No, they weren’t superstitious. It was more of a competition. “Step on a crack – You get a Whack” “cause Punch don’t rhyme.” Stephen would always add. Besides, the dandelions were now nothing but fuzz, and somewhere along the past few days Jarred lost the can he had been kicking. So out of sheer boredom ‘Crack Whack’ was envisioned.

“She’stryingtokillme.” “She’sTryingToKillMe!” “SHE’STRYINGTOKILLME!” Screamed Fast Freddy as he ran down the sidewalk past the boys. They looked behind them and sure enough, running not to far behind Fred came Suzanne and the two BOB enforcers armed with make-up and a bright yellow with pink daisies sundress. “ If they catch him…..” Stephen started. They’ll strip him and give him a Messy Make-over.” Jarred interrupted. “LET’S GO!” They finished together. The boys shifted into high gear to catch up to Freddy. “Run Freddy, RUN!” I barked. Goofy kid just stopped and turned around. “That’s not what I said you hairless two legged chicken. I said Run!” I wolfed back at him again. But then he might not have heard me due to the fact that the boys were yelling for him to ‘wait up’. How rude. Don’t I ever get to talk? I should bite somebody. But Who?

The boys caught up to Freddy and led him through a series of back yards to escape the girls. They could hear Suzanne hollering “You’re gonna be Deaddy, Fast Freddy!” Then the enforcers started calling out in a much more calm tone, “Hey Freddy! We have some candy. Do you want some?” It actually almost worked, 2 times. Because he was naturally hyper, Fred wasn’t aloud candy at home. The boys had to hold him back. “But they’re gonna give me candy.” He tried to mutter through the hand Stephens placed over his mouth. Then Stephen lowered it so he could breath.

Several months earlier the boys found a loose board in the Main Street side of the Klingermans, corner lot, fence. This allowed for speedier cutting all the corners type travel. And a hiding place when you needed a fast escape from getting into faster trouble. The boys ducked into the fence with Freddy, and quickly replaced the board. They could hear the girls candy offers getting closer. “When I get my hands on that Lip Flappin’ Freddy, I’m gonna make him wish he was never born.” They heard Rhonda say. Freddy gasped, and Stephen’s hand went back to silence Fred duty. “Yea, I think a nice Messy Make-over would do Frederica so good.” Mindy added. “Yes, ladies. That’s all fine, but the punishment should also fit the crime. Freddy wants to talk about everything, so…his makeover should include everything. Full facial. All clothing including under-garments and a walk down the center of Main Street, right after we force him to eat a few jalapeno peppers. His mouth will be on fire, so he won’t have much of anything to say. And with his eyes watering, the mascara we put on him will run and he’ll look like a sad female clown.” Freddy gasped again, following with his own hands over top of Stephens. Jarred thought ‘the make-up can’t look any worse than the crap they Spackle on themselves. The girls hollered out a few more taunts from the other side of the fence, which made Stephen and Jarred wonder if they knew where they were. Stephen looked at Jarred. Jarred looked at Stephen. They both looked at Fred who looked like a teary eyed dear in the headlights. “STAY HERE.” They whispered to Freddy in unison, and then bolted across the back yard and around the far side of the house. They came from behind a large bush on the Washington street side of the Klingerman’s house, and approached the corner acting like nothing was happening. They were very poor actors. “What’d you do with the fast talking, soon to be Dead Fred?” Suzanne sputtered as her gum shot out of her mouth. “He’s safe now. Far from you Gar-girls.” Jarred snapped back. He hated it when anyone picked on someone smaller than him or her self. Unless of course it was family. “Yea, you BOB-a-loonians better leave Fast Freddy alone. He’s done nothing to you.” Stephen defended.

They all just stood there staring at one another for a few seconds. “Well, his fast flippin’ lips almost got us in trouble at school.” Rhonda said. “ALMOST?! We got two days. TWO DAYS, for your invisible ink trick.” the boys shot back holding up two fingers each. “Yea well, we’re gonna get him one way or another.” Suzanne threatened as she squatted to tighten the laces in her left shoe. “LISTEN UP YOU GOONS!” Stephen snapped back. “You touch just one microscopic hair on Fred’s Head, and the Sick Slumber Party Tapes go public.” “And we mean PUBLIC! Not just parents. But the entire town.” Jarred added “And we know you aren’t on the tape Suzy, but you have been to a variety of sleepovers this month, and who’s to say you didn’t participate in what is on the tape. There isn’t clear evidence that you weren’t there. So dropping your name will be just as easy as the rest of them.” “You wouldn’t dare.” Suzanne said taking a forceful step toward the boys. The boys both just took a step of their own as Jarred said “You’re messing with the best there is SUZY! You have NO idea what we are capable of. So go ahead, just give us a fraction of a reason to turn your life upside down. Regret will be your new best friend.” Stephen, nodding as Jarred finished added in his best Tweety Bird Voice “She don’t know us very well. Do She?!?” “Just think about that instead of picking on some other fourth grader.” Jarred finished as they turned and walked away.

Jarred and Stephen walked over to the five and dime store to check the comic books section of the magazine rack. Then when they were about half way home it hit them all at once….”FAST FREDDY.” They forgot him by the fence. So as they ran toward the Klingermans, they had visions of Fred in high heels, a large garden hat, and what would look like clown make-up. When they got there the girls were long gone, and Fred was Fast…. asleep. Poor kid must have been worn out from all the excitement. Jarred gently woke him up and escorted him the rest of the way home. Freddy talked non-stop all the way. “Wouldthegirlsreallydoallthattome? Wouldtheyreallyputadressonme? Willyouguysbemybodyguards,causeI’mgonnaneedone!? Ihopetheynevercatchme. I’llhavetorunhomeveryfasteveryday! “ “Fred FRED. You’re gonna be okay. The BOB won’t bother you anymore.” Stephen said looking at Jarred who was rolling his eyes up into his skull.

Henry the Dog.